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Sorry, ballroom's been canceled. The teacher just waltzed right out of here. (pauses for no laughter) Get it? I'm kidding, she died.

"Bob Actually" is the ninth episode in Season 7, being the one-hundred-and-sixteenth episode overall and is the show's 2017 Valentine's Day-themed episode.


With Valentine's Day approaching, Tina, Gene and Louise each find themselves wrapped up in love-caused chaos. Meanwhile, Bob decides on a romantic gesture in order to impress Linda.

Full story[]

It is Valentine's Day, and throughout town everyone is making plans for romance. At the Belcher kitchen, Linda is handing out cards to her children while Tina has an upset stomach due to winning a chili-eating contest with her siblings the night before. Linda gives Bob a box of chocolates, while a nervous Bob says he got her a present but has to wait.

At school, Louise talks with Rudy about how Zeke is selling bouquets of weeds for the day, when Rudy asks if she has lunch plans before awkwardly walking away. Later, she sees Rudy buying a bouquet from Zeke and mentioning that he's buying them for someone he's been friends with for a while, and concludes that she's the one Rudy like-likes. Naturally she is horrified and wonders out loud in the bathroom how it can be while talking to Tina (Tina using the bathroom at the same time), and she resolves to find a way to keep them buddies. She tries to un-attract him by describing in detail eating her boogers, but despite feeling sick, Rudy notes her appearance is healthy and thinks there might be something to it. At lunch, Rudy approaches Louise with a card and a Love Weed, but her fear is quickly gone when he reveals that they are for Chloe Barbash, who he actually is infatuated with and is in Louise's science class. A visibly disappointed Louise, who thinks Chloe is shallow, gives the gifts to Chloe before class, who ignores them. After class, Rudy talks to Louise, and reveals that he wants to kiss Chloe, with the card saying to meet on the playground at the end of the day so he can get his first real kiss. Louise tries to make clear that Chloe doesn't actually like-like him, given that the notes she passes to him use flirting to get his test answers. Louise confronts Chloe, who is unrepentant and notices Louise almost freaking out in trying to describe how nice Rudy is. Louise tries to convince Chloe to give Rudy his first kiss, and she refuses, as she's also gotten weeds from the more impressive Kevin Ishihara (he juggled three Beanie Babies in the last talent show). The two get in a scuffle and Chloe refuses to kiss Rudy. At the school playground, Rudy sees Louise, who says Chloe doesn't like him, and he should stop caring. Seeing Rudy sad over this news though, Louise plants a long kiss on him, telling him not to tell anyone about it after, while he feels flush.

Gene heads out of class to head to the cafeteria, to meet up with Hildy for his Wednesday ritual of day-old Taco Tuesday tacos, but another cafeteria worker, an Italian woman named Isabella catches him trying a vat of chocolate, and Gene instantly becomes infatuated with her before running out. Later, he returns during recess and she offers him the spoon to stir chocolate, which is a gift friend for her boyfriend Francesco, to Gene's jealousy. As they strike the chocolate, Isabella reveals that it is dark chocolate, to Gene's disgust (as he has a hatred of dark chocolate). As he tastes the baked dark chocolate, Gene is entranced, and imagines a future where he and Isabella get married and open a chocolate shop, but soon Francesco arrives and she leaves, leaving Gene heartbroken but with the spoon with chocolate on it.

Jimmy Jr. asks Tina to meet him in the gymnasium at lunch, which makes her happy, but soon she has "chili poops" and needs to frequently use the restroom. At lunch, after finding a strut walk was too much and inching towards the gum, she finds Jimmy Jr. using a trampoline in the hopes of doing a "sky kiss" in front of their friends present. Tina is however is afraid at jumping up and down on a trampoline and walks back to the restroom. After returning to the gym, Tina says she cannot do the sky kiss due to her diarrhea and apologizes. As she walks through the halls, she notices a pair of stilts in an open storage closet and gets an idea. Entering the class wearing the sites, Tina says she can't jump but she can walk on the stilts, and cornices the class to head to the gym for the sky kiss, which they perform before Tina runs back to the bathroom.

At the restaurant, Bob reveals to Teddy that he was planning to learn how to ballroom dance (as Linda keeps saying they should), but as he has not taken any classes, he plans to watch videos on the internet really quickly, but Teddy suggests he could take a class that day at a nearby dance studio that features ballroom classes. Bob manages to cut out by telling Linda it may have something to do with her gift, and Teddy goes along with him. At the studio, they find out the ballroom dance classes are cancelled, but Teddy suggests they take the next available class, which is hip hop dance. Shelly, the teacher for the class, makes Bob somewhat apprehensive with her unusual teaching methods (such as describing sitting backwards in a chair as "hip hop", while her son Flips begins mocking him tying his shoes as "not hip-hop", and while calling it sweet that Bob is there to learn for Valentine's Day, tells him he has to prove himself in a hip-hop dance battle in order to learn in the class. At the start of the battle, Flips tries to run onto a folding chair but trips and falls flat on his face (which also gets his braces stuck on his lips). Saying that Bob and Teddy have won the battle by default, to Bob's confusion.

Linda, running the restaurant in the meantime, notices Ms. Selbo enter and sit down. Selbo explains that she took a personal day, as her boyfriend Martin broke up with her and is eating at Jimmy Pesto's Pizzeria across the street. After eating a burger, Selbo admits that she and Martin broke up a year earlier, and was following him to Jimmy Pesto's, with Linda somewhat alarmed at this and Selbo's other admitted actions (such as stealing his dog and peeing on his mail and watching him open it). Linda figures that she needs professional help and some closure, and offers to bring Martin across the street for a face-to-face meeting. As Linda brings Martin back, however, they see Selbo making out with a guy at the counter, "living her damn life." Martin leaves after asking for his dog back. Linda gets a call form Bob, saying the gift is outside. In the street, Bob and Teddy perform an awkward hip-hop routine with the help of Shelly and Flips (which Linda loves anyway).


External links[]

Episode Navigation vte
Season Episodes
The Demo
1 Human FleshCrawl SpaceSacred CowSexy Dance FightingHamburger Dinner TheaterSheesh! Cab, Bob?Bed & BreakfastArt CrawlSpaghetti Western and MeatballsBurger WarWeekend at Mort'sLobsterfestTorpedo
2 The BelchiesBob Day AfternoonSynchronized SwimmingBurgerbossFood Truckin'Dr. YapMoody FoodieBad TinaBeefsquatch
3 Ear-sy RiderFull BarsBob Fires the KidsMutiny on the WindbreakerAn Indecent Thanksgiving ProposalThe DeepeningTinarannosaurus WrecksThe Unbearable Like-Likeness of GeneGod Rest Ye Merry Gentle-MannequinsMother Daughter Laser RazorNude BeachBroadcast Wagstaff School NewsMy Fuzzy ValentineLindapendent WomanO.T. The Outside ToiletTopsyTwo for TinaIt Snakes a VillageFamily FracasThe Kids Run the RestaurantBoyz 4 NowCarpe MuseumThe Unnatural
4 A River Runs Through BobFort NightSeaplane!My Big Fat Greek BobTurkey in a CanPurple Rain-UnionBob and DeliverChristmas in the CarSlumber PartyPresto Tina-oEasy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercialThe Frond FilesMazel TinaUncle TeddyThe Kids Rob a TrainI Get Psy-chic Out of YouThe EquestranautsAmbergrisThe Kids Run AwayGene It OnWharf HorseWorld Wharf II: The Wharfening
5 Work Hard or Die Trying, GirlTina and the Real GhostFriends with Burger-fitsDawn of the PeckBest BurgerFather of the BobTina Tailor Soldier SpyMidday RunSpeakeasy RiderLate Afternoon in the Garden of Bob and LouiseCan't Buy Me MathThe Millie-churian CandidateThe Gayle TalesLi'l Hard DadAdventures in Chinchilla-sittingThe Runway ClubThe Itty Bitty Ditty CommitteeEat, Spray, LindaHousetrapHawk & ChickThe Oeder Games
6 Sliding BobsThe Land ShipThe HaunteningGayle Makin' Bob SledNice-CapadesThe Cook, the Steve, the Gayle, & Her LoverThe Gene & Courtney ShowSexy Dance HealingSacred CouchLice Things Are LiceHouse of 1000 BouncesStand by GeneWag the HogThe Hormone-iumsPro Tiki/Con TikiBye Bye Boo BooThe Horse Rider-erSecret Admiral-irerGlued, Where's My Bob?
7 Flu-ouiseSea Me NowTeen-a WitchThey Serve Horses, Don't They?Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?The Quirk-ducersThe Last Gingerbread House on the LeftEx MachTinaBob ActuallyThere's No Business Like Mr. Business BusinessA Few 'Gurt MenLike Gene for ChocolateThe Grand Mama-pest HotelAquaticismAin't Miss Debatin'Eggs for DaysZero Larp ThirtyThe Laser-inthThelma & Louise Except Thelma is LindaMom, Lies, and VideotapeParaders of the Lost FloatInto the Mild
8 BrunchsquatchThe Silence of the LouiseThe Wolf of Wharf StreetSit Me Baby One More TimeThanks-hoardingThe BleakeningV for Valentine-dettaY Tu Ga-Ga TambienThe Secret Ceramics Room of SecretsSleeping with the FrenemyThe Hurt SoccerCheer Up, Sleepy GeneThe Trouble with DoublesGo Tina on the MountainAre You There Bob? It's Me, BirthdayBoywatchAs I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of RampsMo Mommy Mo ProblemsMission Impos-slug-bleSomething Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You
9 Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for NowThe Taking of Funtime One Two ThreeTweentrepreneursNightmare on Ocean Avenue StreetLive and Let FlyBobby DriverI Bob Your PardonRoller? I Hardly Know Her!UFO No You Didn'tBetter Off SledLorenzo's Oil? No, Linda'sThe Helen HuntBed, Bob & BeyondEvery Which Way but GooseThe Fresh Princ-ipalRoamin' Bob-idayWhat About Blob?If You Love It So Much, Why Don't You Marionette?Long Time Listener, First Time BobThe Gene MileP.T.A. It Ain't SoYes Without My Zeke
10 The Ring (But Not Scary)Boys Just Wanna Have FungusMotor, She BoatPig Trouble in Little TinaLegends of the MallThe Hawkening: Look Who's Hawking Now!Land of the LoftNow We're Not Cooking with GasAll That GeneHave Yourself a Maily Linda ChristmasDrumforgivenA Fish Called TinaThree Girls and a Little WharfyWag the SongYurty Rotten ScoundrelsFlat-Top o' the Morning to YaJust the TripTappy Tappy Tappy Tap Tap TapThe Handyman CanPoops!… I Didn't Do It AgainLocal She-roPrank You for Being a Friend
11 Dream a Little Bob of BobWorms of In-Rear-mentCopa-Bob-banaHeartbreak Hotel-oweenFast Time Capsules at Wagstaff SchoolBob Belcher and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad KidsDiarrhea of a Poopy KidThe Terminalator II: Terminals of EndearmentMommy BoyYachty or NiceRomancing the BeefDie Card, or Card TryingAn Incon-Wheelie-ent TruthMr. Lonely FartsSheshank RedumptionY Tu Tina TambiénFingers-looseSome Kind of Fender BenderfulBridge Over Troubled RudySteal Magazine-oliasTell Me Dumb Thing GoodVampire Disco Death Dance
12 Manic Pixie Crap ShowCrystal MessThe PumpkineningDriving Big DummySeven-tween AgainBeach, PleaseLoft in BedslationStuck in the Kitchen with YouFOMO You Didn'tGene's Christmas BreakTouch of Eval(uations)Ferry on My Wayward Bob and LindaFrigate Me KnotVideo Killed the Gene-io StarAncient Misbehavin'Interview with a Pop-pop-pireThe Spider House RulesClear and Present GingerA-Sprout a BoySauce Side StorySome Like It Bot Part 1: Eighth Grade RunnerSome Like It Bot Part 2: Judge-bot Day
13 To Bob, or Not to BobThe Reeky Lake ShowWhat About Job?Comet-y of ErrorsSo You Stink You Can DanceApple Gore-chard! (But Not Gory)Ready Player GenePutts-givingShow Mama from the GraveThe Plight Before ChristmasCheaty Cheaty Bang BangOh Row You Didn'tStop! Or My Mom Will Sleuth!These Boots Are Made for StalkingThe Show (and Tell) Must Go OnWhat a (April) Fool BelievesCrows Encounters of the Bird KindGift Card or Buy TryingCrab-solutely FabulousRadio No You Didn'tMother Author Laser PointerAmelia
14 Fight at the Not Okay Chore-ralThe Amazing RudyThe PickleoretteRunning Down a GeneBully-ieve It or NotEscape from Which Island?The (Raccoon) King and IWharf, Me Worry?Fraud of the Dead: Zombie-docu-pocalypseThe Nightmare 2 Days Before ChristmasMission Impossi-BobJade in the ShadeButt Sweat and Fears
15 TBA
Unknown season (order subject to change) The Big StieblitzkiThe Tina Table: The Tables Have Tina-edThe Right Tough StuffTo Catch a BeefDon't Stop Be-cheesin'For Whom the Doll ToesThey Slug Horses, Don't They?Hope N' Mic NightBoogie DaysDog Christmas Day After AfternoonAdvice Things Are Ad-NiceMr. Fischoeder's OpusLike a Candle in the GymSnackfaceThe Place Beyond the PineconesThe Lost City of AtlanticInsomnibobWild Steal-ionsThe Shell GameThe Dead Bo-ats SocietyDad-urday Kite FeverMr. Safebody
See also: Episode Guide