Bob's Burgers Wiki
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Quotes[]

Common[]

Oh, my God.
— Common phrase
Hmm.
— Common phrase
(whimpers)
— Common phrase
Crap.
— Common phrase

Bob's Burgers[]

Season 1[]

Okay. Are you telling me as my daughter or as my grill cook? Because my grill cook would never tell me that. Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.
All right, listen. You're my children, and I love you. But you're all terrible at what you do here, and I feel like I should tell you I'd fire all of you if I could.
I happen to produce a lot of saliva, linda!
We mistreat the living and no one seems to care. But once that body's dead, It's, 'Hey, don't mistreat the dead body! Hey, don't eat the dead body!' That's the ultimate crime, right? Murder, no big deal. Cannibal? Woahhh!"
You're a failure. You failed. You fail at everything. You fail at marriage. You fail at family. Your kids are failures. And you're fat. You're not attractive. You never were. Well, you were a little bit, when you were a teenager. But then you got fat.
— to himself, "Human Flesh"
Oh, my God. I think Linda's parents are having sex.
Oh, burger. You're cute.
If you want a bag of hair so bad, why don't you just pick it out of the food you serve here? Ka-boom!
Lin, they're anuses. I'm trying to think of worse paintings to hang in a restaurant. Um, nope, I can't think of any!
— "Art Crawl"

Season 2[]

We're about to die, Louise! Do you really want your last words to be sarcastic?
Please don't drug me again.
No. No more 'lick foot.' No more 'lick foot.'
Are we just going to ignore the fact that Louise just pooped in the pool?
(whispering) I'm so high.
— to Tyler, "Burgerboss"
CHICKEN LEEEEEG!
I gotta drop a potato in the crockpot.
You know what? Let's all kiss our sister.
— "Dr. Yap"
If this restaurant fails, I'm gonna kill myself.

Season 3[]

I'm coming out, Lin.
All right, SHUT UP, LIN!
TINA, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY OR STOP! THE BRAKES, TINA! ON THE LEFT! YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT THAT CAR! THE BRAKES! HIT THE BRAKES!
Gene, put some clothes on!
EAT IT, YOU LOSERS!
Ugh, I'd rather let fumigator spray poison in my mouth than stay with your parents.
GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF MY FACE. GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF MY FACE! YOUR FAT FINGER!

Season 4[]

Plus, what would you say if I told you I'm carrying a saw in my pocket right now?
Well, well, well, it looks like the squirrel has become the IDIOT.
I'm not Bob Fosse!
NO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!
You can put a turkey in a toilet, but YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN A TOILET!
I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY IN MY PURSE, AND I WILL USE IT!
YOU'RE ANIMALS! YOU'RE ALL ANIMALS!
I could take Santa.
You could kill Jimmy Pesto!
— as zucchini to himself, "Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial"
Big balls? I-I don't have those.
I'm likable. I know I am! The kids like me, Teddy likes me!... My dad hates me.
You know, I haven't read any parenting books, but I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be in there.

Season 5[]

Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap, crap, crap. Crap!
I'M NOT FREAKING OUT!
MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS!
(growling) The usual.
(chuckles) Oh, I hate those kids who volunteer at hospices.
If Bob Belcher strips, he's gonna strip serious.
Let's get it down and dirty!
Let's orbit the Earth! Let's orbit the Earth!
It's all coming off, baby!
My good nipple is bleeding!
Did you guys know about spell check? It's amazing. It tells you if you misspell something. I mean, it's... Some of it is open to interpretation. But, you know, it's helpful.
Listen, what happened to Hawk and Chick will never happen to us. This Hawk and this Chick will never not talk for thirty years.

Season 6[]

Gayle, no talking right now.
Look, Steve, I was acting weird before, that was Linda's dumb idea. But I don't wanna play games with you. So just come have some of my rib roast.
Okay, I'm just out here, manning the counter. The counter needs manning.
Oh, God, I have to tell Critter that someone stole his bike. The bike that was gonna get him out of jail and put his life on the right track. Would it be rude if I just texted him that? No, I should call.
Kill me.

Season 7[]

Don't care. Please leave.
Lin, don't bring the potato. Please. I'm-I'm begging you. I need to know you're okay.
We're so poor, Lin! And it's Christmas! Again! It keeps coming! It never stops!
Teddy, there's no reason to insult me when you're using my dishwasher.
LINDA IS A FART
Teddy! Unzip my pickle!

Season 8[]

Run away with us, Bob.
— as eggs to himself, "Brunchsquatch"
We don't like her...
— as eggs to himself about Linda Belcher, "Brunchsquatch"
I mean, I wish I wasn't asking why one of my kids is reading a book, but I am.
I'm joking, Teddy. I don't need you to hold my penis up with a spatula.
Yes, Louise, we got the link to your online gift registry.
Uh, why do all your ideas involve shouting 'gotcha' and scaring children?
Well, it wa—it was a good day, and then it was this.
No, not lie. Just say 'no,' but in a really indirect way.
Hi, Tina. You're standing really close to me.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God...

Season 9[]

You're dumb. I mean, I-I love you too.

Season 10[]

YEEEHAWWW!
No ticket stubs, no... sticking... chubs.
I'M GONNA BRING HIM TO HIS KNEES!
Tina, you promised me you wouldn't read.
No! I mean, it took us five hours to make a 90-minute drive! Gene got attacked by a snake, there was throw-up everywhere, we-we spent so much money at the Madness Castle, which was just a GUY'S HOUSE filled with JUNK, and now we're HERE, and THERE AREN'T ANY MONKEYS BEING FRIENDS WITH LIONS!
Uh, I'm gonna say no to the dress.
I'd say I'm like a private nurse, and my payment is that I get to play with his nunchucks.

Season 11[]

Gene, you're grounded. I-I know I shouldn't ground you for getting sick, but I want to.
We just need to win at working good.
(mumbles) Your parents are what's wrong with our society.
Wait, I could run another bungee cord under my crotch.
GENE, I WILL GROUND YOU SO HARD. Sorry, sorry.
NO! NO WATER. WATER IS STUPID JUICE.
Sorry to be naked.
Birds are evil! I've lost all respect for them.

Season 12[]

(Southern accent) No, we love you. You're the best. Leave your family, Bob. We'll run away together!
— as turkey stuffing to himself, "Stuck in the Kitchen with You"
I don’t think it’s gonna work, but it’s either this or we have to put Gene down. Because the kid is really suffering.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, God... Hang in there, penis.
Yeah, sometimes the things you do that make you vulnerable, they wouldn't mean as much if everyone just loved everything.

Season 13[]

Just because you stop growing doesn't mean you stop growing.
Oh, are you a-a beehive?
I don't know, I think we might have to go to a hotel. Or probably a motel, 'cause poor.
And if you quit things when they get hard, you may never get to the good part.
Hi, yeah, I need to order some of your athletic cut T-shirts? Arm size? Uh, XXL. Oh, wait, I just went up an X. Yup, XXXL.
— in his fantasy, "Gift Card or Buy Trying"

Season 14[]

(shrieking) I'M NOT SHRIEKING!

Other media[]

Hi, I'm Bob of Bob's Burgers. Are you tired of saying, 'We have the best burgers in town?' Well, you're in luck, because I'm here to tell you that WE have the best burgers in town. Argument settled.
Stop. Stop it. Stop it! STOOOOOOOOOOP!
— "Bored"

Navigation[]

Character Quotes Navigation vte
Main Characters Bob BelcherLinda BelcherTina BelcherGene BelcherLouise BelcherTeddy
Belcher Family Big BobLily BelcherAl GenarroGloria GenarroGayle Genarroetc.
Fischoeder Family Calvin FischoederFelix FischoederGrover Fischoederetc.
Pesto Family Jimmy PestoJimmy Pesto, Jr.Andy and Ollie Pestoetc.
Larsen Family Tammy LarsenMr. LarsenMrs. Larsenetc.
Wheeler Family Courtney WheelerDoug WheelerMrs. Wheeler
Stieblitz Family Regular Sized RudySylvester StieblitzRegular Sized Rudy's Mometc.
Wagstaff Faculty Phillip FrondMs. LaBonzMs. TwitchellMs. JacobsonCoach BlevinsMr. BrancaMr. GrantMs. SchnurMr. AmbroseMs. SelboMatilda MerkinNurse LizJackieetc.
Wagstaff Students JocelynZekeLarge TommyJulieNormal Sized JennyMichael CarlishPeter PescaderoDarrylMillie FrockRupaLenny DeStefanoJeremyHenry HaberAbby HaddingtonHarleyJodiJessicaToddWayneChloe BarbashSusmitaArnold EvansMeganKaylee MorgansternChelseaWilletc.
Secondary Characters Hugo HabercoreRonMortMarshmallowGretchenEdith CranwinkleHarold CranwinkleDr. YapJenMickeyMike WobblesRonSergeant Bosco
Characters by debut Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Season 7Season 8Season 9Season 10Season 11Season 12Season 13Season 14The Bob's Burgers Movieetc.
See also: Characters
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