- “But you're good at lots of other stuff, Dad. Like making burgers... Uh...”— Tina Belcher to Bob Belcher
"Frigate Me Knot" is the thirteenth episode in Season 12, being the two-hundred-and-twenty-ninth episode overall.
Plot[]
Linda encourages Teddy to attend a farewell ceremony for the ship on which he served in the Navy, but it means confronting his Navy pals.
Synopsis[]
At the restaurant, Teddy is upset over a letter he received form the Navy, inviting him to attend the decommissioning ceremony for the frigate he served on when he was younger, before it gets scuttled. He explains to the Belchers that when the Navy decommissions a ship, often they sink it with a torpedo to make an artificial reef. Gene thinks “frigate” sounds like a dirty word while Louise is interested in the torpedoing. While she obviously cannot press the button for the torpedo, as well as it being out at sea the following week), Teddy does say that those who served on the maiden voyage such as him as invited to a ceremony in Bog Harbor the next day. Teddy however, does not want to go; despite things he loved about the navy, he does not want to run into old shipmates due to an incident. He explains further to the Belchers:
Thirty years prior, during a deployment in the Pacific, during the middle of the night, Teddy was scrubbing the decks when an officer passed by. As per regulations, he saluted the officer, but slipped between a gap in the railings into the ocean. The ship was stopped after the bell was rung, and everyone saw him.
Linda dismisses it as Teddy falling off the ship falling off the ship one time, but he explains, it was actually two times:
Later that same night, he was showing some of the other sailors how easy it was to fall through when he tripped on the low rope and netting between the railings and fell into the ocean again.
Teddy brings up that for the rest of the deployment, everyone gave him an embarrassing nickname, “Double-Dip” and that is why he doesn’t want to go to the farewell ceremony. Linda says he should, while Bob tells her teddy doesn’t want to, but she insists that he go because otherwise the other sailors win, but if he does, then he wins by showing he doesn’t care about the nickname (which he very much does). Linda says that something similar happened to her in high school:
She was at a sleepover at Debbie Bernadini’s house with some of her friends. They were watching a scary movie when she got scared and farted a little, but then realized that a little bit of poop came out, which the others could smell. Also, she clench-walked to the bathroom and exclaimed how poop came out during the scare-fart, and they laughed at her called her “Death by Chocolate”, causing her to not go to another sleepover through high school.
After the kids point out how she talks a lot while using the bathroom, Linda says she let them win and Teddy cannot let them win. She offers to go along with them, to Bob’s reluctance. With the mention of food and music and being able to bring a family, the kids pester Bob into agreeing to go.
The next day, Teddy and the Belchers arrive at the docks and board the frigate U.S.S Gertrude Stein, with the kids wandering off to touch stuff they should not, and Teddy extremely nervous to the point he fears his ears are sweating. As Linda reassures him, he is spotted by three former shipmates, Tony, Billy and Raul, who make a mocking joke about swimming. Teddy wants to leave but Linda convinces him to stay for an hour, with Bob and Linda beside him for support. The three talk to the seamen, who makes more jokes about “Double Dip” that teddy tries to laugh off before dodging over to the food catering table. He, Bob and Linda grab food while Linda keeps trying to encourage him when the kids show up. Louise is disappointed that all the weapons were removed weeks before since it is not safe to scuttle a ship with live ammunition. Tina mentions that they saw a kid’s knot-tying workshop, which Louise is not interested in (while Tina didn’t get her Thundergirls knot-tying badge for making too many knot jokes, and gene can’t tie his shoelaces).
Bob expresses interest and joins Tina and Gene in the workshop, where the instructor at first mistakes him for the spitting image of a former shipmate named Schmitty who could not attend. However, Bob finds difficulty in doing a simple bowline, even. After being taught the little kid’s “rabbit” metaphor.
After more time at the food table, Linda, Teddy and Louise walk over to the bar where Tony and the guys are, with Linda talking loudly about how teddy is witty, full of life, and doesn’t care what people think about him, in order to impress the other sailors. Another one of teddy’s former shipmates shows up with his memento, a pad eye, like Tony also has. Louise is amazed that they can take stuff from the ship and wants a cannon, but Teddy explains that only people form the maiden voyage can do so, but he didn’t put in a request for anything. Billy makes a joke about “Double Dip” getting a life vest, and the three laugh before walking off as teddy tries not to be upset. While waiting for drinks, Linda asks Teddy why he didn’t put in a request; he didn’t think he was going to attend and was worried about writing his letter and his request being denied due to his stupidity. Linda tries to think of what he could get, but Teddy says the request had to be turned in months earlier. Teddy, depressed, says he does not deserve a part of the ship.
Linda steps away with Louise under the pretense of using the restrooms, and tells Louise that Teddy deserves something rather than Tony who made fun of him, and suggest they find something better for Teddy form the supply room, better than a pad eye, so he can win, which Louise thinks makes sense, “in a dumb, beautiful way.” However, at the supply room, they are denied being able to get anything.
At the workshop, Bob is still having trouble with knows, still being unable to make a bowline while the kids all do a sheet bend knot. The instructor even outright asks why Bob could be “blessed” with Schmitty’s face but not his gift for knots.
Linda asks the supply room sailor for anything for Teddy, but is told that Teddy would need prior approval to take something. Louise tries to bribe the sailor by offering to bring things from land like potato ships, houseplants and non-salt water, which insults the sailor and causes her to ignore the two.
Bob still is unable to make a bowline, with the instructor asking if he has “rope dyslexia”, not helped by the kids being unable to think of things Bob is capable of besides burgers (which gene loudly whispers that he thinks Bob is not good at).
Linda and Louise walk the ship disappointed at how Teddy cannot get anything, and how she hates when bullies win. Louise still wants to find any torpedoes down below decks, but Linda gets an idea seeing the ship’s bell is a bit loose. She pulls it off, talking with Louise that it “wants” to come off like a loose tooth, and hides it in her jacket so they can give it to Teddy and get out of there. Teddy, at the catering table, asks where they have been, since he stress-ate the crab cakes and started on the cocktail franks. However, he soon turns to shock and horror when Linda reveals the bell, which he doesn’t want; it’s the deck bell they rang when he fell overboard, plus they can get in big trouble for stealing something off a Navy ship. Although Louise suggests throwing it overboard, but Teddy tells her it won’t work, since the bell will be rung at the end of the decommissioning ceremony, and they have to put it back before anyone notices. As they plan it out, however, the announcement is made that the ceremony will start shortly, and everyone who needs to, should hit the “head”, the naval term for a bathroom. So now everyone is going to the bathroom right by where the bell was, and the three figure they need to think of some way to get the bell back on the wall.
Teddy holds the bell under his Navy jacket, as Linda says they could wait for the bathroom line to go down when the sailors from the maiden voyage are asked to sit in the front row chairs, with Teddy’s shipmates asking “Double Dip “to join them. Seeing no other option, Teddy, Linda and Louise sit down (while the clanging of the bell and teddy’s nervousness attracting some attention).
The instructor asks for the rope back so he can go to the ceremony, but Bob really wants to make the bowline, which impresses the instructor enough with his dedication to allow Bob to hold onto the rope a little longer. Tina and gene loudly whisper that they are worried about their father (who can hear them) as they head to the ceremony. As the ceremony starts, the commander first announces that more crab cakes are being microwaved, before starting the ceremony to send off the USS Gertrude Stein. As the “Brass Kissers”, a Navy rock-and-roll trumpet band, begins, Linda, Teddy and Louise plan it out, with Teddy unsure how he can attach the bell without tools, as Bob can hear them but is annoyed that he cannot hear the music through the loud whispering. The three sneak off to the bathroom, with Teddy trying to reattach the bell as Linda and Louise block the door to that part of the ship. But the sailor from the supply room needs to go and eventually just pushes past after Linda slams the bathroom door into someone walking out. She quickly sees what is happening and yells that Teddy is stealing the deck bell, causing everyone to turn and see.
Later, Teddy tries explaining about the bell, which the other shipmates see as embarrassing, and the officer needing to know if he needs to file a report. Linda confesses that she took the bell with Louise denying involvement. Teddy says he knew he should not have shown. Up, but it was “if I don’t go, Tony and those jerks win”, which surprises Tony and Billy. Teddy explains that they never stopped teasing him after he fell off the ship and came up with the nickname, which Tony says is what sailors and friends do. Teddy is amazed to hear they think they’re friends, but as Tony steps back to the area without the railing, expressing amazement at how someone can fall off, he falls off backwards into the water. After the bell is rung, Teddy leads the effort to fish Tony out of the water, but Raul’s hands are greasy from the catering food, and asks Bob to tie off his rope line holding Tony. Bob is reluctant, but he is encouraged by the kids. Bob manages to tie a bowline to the deck, securing the rope and the knot teacher’s amazement.
Sometime after, Tony is in a blanket to dry off and stay warm, admitting that now he can see how easy it is to fall off, while Teddy is still wondering that they teased him because they were friends. Tony says that yes, as they were bonded for life by Navy service, and that they were all kids then and looked up to the older Teddy, with tony saying Teddy showed him you could make a mistake and still be a great sailor. The supply room sailor comes over and gives Teddy a present: the deck bell, and says they can pretend he sent a request letter in. She also names Tony “Slips Ahoy”, which the others laugh at and Tony says is pretty good. The Belchers watch the scene and Linda is happy Teddy got the bell because of her. Tina says she should make up with her high school friends, but Linda says she TP’d Debbie’s house after being called “Death by Chocolate”, and peed on her bike, but realizes she should not have, and tells the kids to do Teddy’s thing, not hers. She also admits she called them every night for a year pretending to be a killer, which shocks Bob and even the kids, as she weakly asks if that’s what friends do.
Videos[]
External links[]
- "Frigate Me Knot" on IMDb
- "Frigate Me Knot" press release via The Futon Critic
- "Frigate Me Knot" script via Springfield! Springfield!