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Quotes[]

Bob's Burgers[]

Season 1[]

No, no, no, I know when I'm being lied to. It's like when I look at myself in the mirror and say... "It's going to be okay.

Season 2[]

Oh! It's been a long time since my pillows got fluffed...
Your tongue feels so much different from my cat's...
You don't remember? We made love... with our mouths.
I'm not wearing anything under my snowsuit... except for my long underwear, and my socks, and my other socks and a Maxi Pad.
I feel like a teenager again, except my breasts are more even now.
You pretend to flirt with Linda, I'll fake flirt with Dr. Yap, and then we can sneak off and hit the slopes. My slopes.

Season 3[]

My cat. We got in a fight. Can I stay here for a while to cool off?
We're in love! We're a couple in love! It's really happening! Finally! Thank you, God!
— "Topsy"

Season 4[]

What is this? A pee-pee party? You people are fun, all going at once.
My cat was right about you...
Oh, Louise, I'm so glad it's you and not a murderer.
Happy things we should send into space... a jar of mayo, magazine clippings of Scott Baio, that song that starts with "Day-o...
Little cat, you're just like me. You go outside, and squat to pee. SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT!
Now that I made them all pretty, the pound will have to give me that fourth cat.

Season 5[]

Okay, fine. I'll go by myself. That's okay. I can use the empty seat next to me to slump into when I die alone.
Since I'm the one with the tickets, I want the essays to be about me! I want action! Adventure! Love! Drama! And Scott Bakula.

Season 6[]

I'm going after my baby! He's all I have left! Except for my other two cats!
Who was a prostitute in Pretty Woman?

Season 7[]

The hospital carelessly, casually threw away my placenta, and in some ways, I've never recovered.

Season 8[]

Good-looking, but not too good-looking. Like the Planters Peanut.
You should always think I'm gonna kidnap a guy.

Season 9[]

(deep voice) Pizza delivery!
Nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng... (passes out)

Season 10[]

I'LL KILL YOU!
Linda, have you been lying to me about being married and having kids?
I know, and I'm pretty.

Season 11[]

Linda, did you know you could wear a turtleneck as pants?

Season 12[]

Ugh, Mother's Day. You know, it's actually been proven that owning and taking care of cats is 4,000 times harder than being a mom to a human.

Season 14[]

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