Quotes[]
Common[]
- “Ow! My face!”
- — When hit in the face, common phrase
- “Alright!”
- — Common phrase
- “Four!”
- — Common phrase
- “Stay out of my room!”
- “This is fun...!”
- — Common phrase
- “What did I say?”
- — After being corrected, common phrase
Bob's Burgers[]
Season 1[]
- “Oh, Bobby! Now you listen to me. I would rather be married to a suspected cannibal with a dream, like you, than a soft-lipped guy who never had a dream in the first place.”
- — "Human Flesh"
- “No one sheds like this family, it's like a bunch of Chewbaccas.”
- — "Crawl Space"
- “Ginger's cat died, but in a really funny way.”
- “Tina's party's gonna be amaaazing! I've got a disco ball... and streamers... it's gonna be like Buckingham palace! Studio 54.”
- “When I die, I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck's face.”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Burger Wars"
- “Hit him in his handsome groin!”
- — about Jimmy Pesto, "Burger Wars"
- “Oh, honey. I already picked out what it'll say on your tombstone. Order up.”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Torpedo"
- “No more cheating for anyone in this house. From now on, I won't wear my tummy tuck jeans. And good-bye, Brazilian. Hello, rain forest.”
- — "Torpedo"
Season 2[]
- “Well, I may have slipped a penis pill in your casserole. Surprise!”
- — to Bob Belcher, "The Belchies"
- “I dreamed that I was breast feeding Gene again, but he had a long, white beard, like Santa Claus. Oh, it was freaky!”
- “Mommy doesn't get drunk. She just has fun.”
- — "Bad Tina"
- “Don't tell me not to have a crap attack! I'll have a crap attack anytime I want!”
- — "Bad Tina"
Season 3[]
- “The problem is I don't have a friggin' drink in my hand!”
- “(singing) It's Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving for everybody! 'Cept for Europeans.”
- “Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter,...Diarrhea!”
- “All I had for breakfast was kiwi fuzz. It's like licking your father's back. Ugh!”
- “'A Christmas Poem' by Linda Belcher. Christmas, Christmas. Christmas, oh, Christmas. You, Christmas, you. Christmas, Christmas. C-H-I... No, C-H...R-I-S-T-M-A-S.”
- “Whoo, throw a ripped wedding dress on this daiquiri 'cause it is not a virgin!”
- “Ooh, Mutiny? This boat has so many activities!”
- “(singing) Here goes the hair, and, there goes the hair, and, where is Harry Truman? He's dead in the ground, he's dead in the ground, he's dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!”
- “Mommy's getting arrested...”
- “Ooh, mini croissants! No matter what I say, stop me when I've had 16.”
- — "Boyz 4 Now"
- “(chanting) Shake your hands! Wiggle your butt! Drop your pants and pick 'em back up!”
- — "Carpe Museum"
- “I Yahoogled 'boy needs baseball help, father-son fail unathletic hopeless turqouise jewelry.'”
- — "The Unnatural"
Season 4[]
- “Wine helps me drink.”
- “I was going to punch you, but I'm holding wine.”
- — to Kurt Enerny, "Seaplane!"
- “It's rated "R" for really boozy, starring me.”
- “My dutch baby! It came out in 22 minutes! Aw, its a preemie, just like Jesus.”
- “Okay, Tina, time to put on your straitjacket. Oh, all this white, it's like your wedding day! Oh, I'm tearing up!”
- — "Presto Tina-o"
- “C'mon, do shots! You'll feel better! I bought five shots, we're doing five shots!”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Uncle Teddy"
- “I'm Linda. I love showers and mornings and bologna and turtles. And wine!”
- — to Rick, "The Kids Rob a Train"
- “Bribe Louise? We don't have that kind of money.”
- “Hey, you got to fight crazy with crazy.”
- “Parenting books? There are parenting books? I thought they were... that was a joke.”
- “I'm gonna write a parenting book. I'll call it: 'Hey You, I Saw That, Put It Back!'”
- “What a crazy day! God! I had cereal in the morning, and by nighttime, I'm getting murdered.”
Season 5[]
- “Oh, you and that garden. You smell like dirt and fresh air. And it makes me sick!”
Season 6[]
- “A gentleman down south but a bad boy above the mouth.”
- — "Sliding Bobs"
- “Everything lined up, and it came out Belcher. How beautiful is that?”
- — "Sliding Bobs"
- “Who is Bob Belcher? What is Bob Belcher? Where is Bob Belcher? Why is Bob Belcher?”
Season 7[]
- “$400? That's like $500!”
- “I feel like I'm peeing. Am I peeing right now? Bob, can you check?”
- “God's done some good work, but he screwed up my birthday.”
- — "Zero Larp Thirty"
- “I've always wanted to be in Bog to Beach. Dress up crazy and dance all crazy. Whip my hair around all crazy! WOO! Get it girl!”
- “A bee in my boobs! Oh, my boobs! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh, God! Oh. What the... ?”
Season 8[]
- “Hey, Bob, if you're done talking to the eggs, come out here and take a look at this.”
- — "Brunchsquatch"
- “Alcohol does not solve problems, Miss Missy. It just makes them go away.”
- “Okay, that's it. That's enough screen time, people! Let's take a ten-minute break!”
- — "Boywatch"
- “You never go against the family. Never.”
Season 9[]
- “I'm great at math. Four!”
- “HONK, HONK.”
Season 10[]
- “Nerd alert!”
- — about Louise Belcher, "The Ring (But Not Scary)"
- “Oink, oink, oink, oink! (Snorts) Oink, oink, oink, oink!”
- “Kids. Eggs are ready. They're sunny, runny, and a little funny.”
- “Wouldn't it be fun if we had a monster in our wharf?”
- “There's no way they make you wear a bra in Heaven.”
- “They really make that? Oh, you're trash-talking.”
- — to Louise Belcher about cans of whoop-ass, "Tappy Tappy Tappy Tap Tap Tap"
- “Nobody's perfect. Like Ben Franklin. He got electrocuted that one time, but he didn't stop whatever he was doing, right? And now he's on an oats box.”
- — to Teddy, "The Handyman Can"
- “JUMP ON MY FACE!”
- — to Tina Belcher, "Local She-ro"
- “YOU'RE NOT MY DAUGHTER!”
- — to Tina Belcher, "Local She-ro"
- “Bob, you're waiting for a grown man to fall asleep so you can play with his not-so-grown-man toys?”
Season 11[]
- “You're making Mommy sad, Tina.”
- “Ooh, Louise, switchblades! Look! Stabby stabby.”
- “Out of my way, squirrel! ”
- “Armpits are the cleanest parts of the body!”
- — "Fingers-loose"
- “Hey, you! Stop! Step away from the trash can.”
Season 12[]
- “Hey, Mort! Have you met Bottle Cap Two? He's named after Bottle Cap, the dog I loved from my childhood that got hit by a truck and died right in front of me.”
- “Ugh. You and your rent.”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Loft in Bedslation"
- “Pooping can make people do crazy things. The texts I've sent...”
- “And, hey, maybe it would be easier to have a machine that would wipe us so we'd never do anything that would get us judged again. But, if we did, then we'd also be wiping out the part that gives us moments of being brave and expressing ourselves.”
Season 13[]
- “That's what Hamlet's about? I thought it was about Romeo and Juliet.”
- “You know I forget things! Most of my brain is Dynasty trivia.”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Radio No You Didn't"
- “Heroes don't have to be perfect, you know? They just have to make you think bigger about yourself somehow.”
- — "Amelia"
Season 14[]
- “Aw. Hey there, big guy. How you feeling this morning, huh?”
- — to Bob Belcher, "The Pickleorette"
Season 15[]
- “I always wanted one of these. A nice male escort.”
Other media[]
- “Cotton Candy Dan? Is that the guy who sold corndogs?”
- “Just get us away from that lawyer!”