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Quotes[]
Bob's Burgers[]
Season 1[]
Season 2[]
- “I can help. I am a self-certified counselor after all.”
- “I will tuck my junk so fast.”
- — to Bob Belcher, "Bob Day Afternoon"
- “In the beginning, there was no math. Until one teacher said, 'Hey, what about math?' I think independent study synchronized swimming is the next math.”
Season 3[]
- “Those who forget to learn history are doomed to repeat it, and those who touch history will be suspended for three days.”
- — "Carpe Museum"
- “Call me. If my mother answers, hang up.”
- — to Madeline Greenberg, "Carpe Museum"
Season 4[]
- “I SAID... 'I LOCKED... MYSELF... IN A ROOOM... WHILE CHILDREN WERE EATEN!'”
- — "The Frond Files"
Season 5[]
- “Luckily, conflict has one enemy: me.”
Season 6[]
- “I will often do divorce counseling for kids whose parents aren't divorced because, you know, I can see who's not going to make it.”
- “I know. It's over. You don't throw up in the bathroom, wipe your mouth on a maxi-pad, and get a third date.”
- “As a counselor, I've learned that screams can actually be a cry for help.”
- “Oh, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina.”
- — to Tina Belcher, "The Hormone-iums"
- “Just press your feelings into a tight little diamond and sparkle!”
- — to Tina Belcher, "The Hormone-iums"
Season 7[]
- “Alright, close that curtain Louise, you are in big trouble.”
- — "The Quirk-ducers"
- “This is my tough voice, so when you hear it, you better fear it.”
- “Mm, not exactly. It's... Yes, that's basically it.”
Season 8[]
- “Come children, follow me into the pit!”
Season 9[]
- “Listen, there's a weeklong guidance counselor conference this here in town. Counsel-Con. Yeah, that Counsel-Con.”
- — "Live and Let Fly"
- “You have my word as an educator/rapper/healer.”
- — to Louise Belcher, "Live and Let Fly"
Season 10[]
- “Wieners are not art in this country.”
- “First, it's bugs, then it's drugs! There's a reason those two rhyme.”
- “You're trading in pranks for pleases and thanks.”
Season 11[]
- “I don't know why they let kids play on the grass. What is this, Switzerland?”
Season 12[]
- “And we all die alone.”
- — "Crystal Mess"
- “One day I drove past a busload of prisoners picking up trash, and I thought, "What about that, but for schoolchildren?" And Wagstaff Mandatory Volunteer Day was born!”
- — "Beach, Please"
Season 13[]
- “Don't worry. It is cool to tattle on your friends. You know the saying: 'Everyone loves a tattletale.'”
Season 15[]
- “I work at a school. It's not like I meet any adults.”
Other media[]
- “It is not okay to say 'Doctor Butt'!”