Skip to content
Quotes [ ] Common [ ] “Eh... ”
— Common phrase
“Oh... ”
— Common phrase
“Don't feed a guy a sponge, Bobby! ”
“Bobby, want to come over and watch the game tonight? I'm making a three-bean salad, but it's bring your own bean. Can I put you down for garbanzo? ”
“It's a butt! Get it? A butt! With three turds! ”
“Gretchen's sister is skinny, Lin, but it's because she's on methamphetamines. ”
“No, Gene. Kurt is seducing your mommy. ”
“Do not come in here! Nobody come in here! Someone threw up in the bounce house. Kids, kids, kids, you can't go into the bounce house, someone threw up in there. I don't know.... I don't know what happened. Who wants to dance? ”
“No, that was my second cousin, and it was third base. ”
“I made this guy say yes with my body! ”
“We'll be doing many things this weekend like dinner, rough housing—not too rough—brushing teeth, and going to bed ”
“(singing in the tune of the Arabian riff ) There's a clog in there, and it could be underwear. What will it find? Goop? Probably some goop. ”
“My temporary house, my temporary rules! You don't like it? There's the door that you can't go out of! ”
“What is saffron, Bobby? Uh, Mort was asking, I already know. ”
“You stay the hell out of this, Mort! ”
“Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife ! ”
“I'll kill you! Give me a burger! ”
“I worked on a turkey ranch one summer, when I was 14. I learned a lot about life. And a lot about turkey feces. ”
“Hey, father issues—we all got 'em. I've got mother issues, too. I've even got cousin issues. Beautiful, blonde cousin issues. ”
“When I come back in here tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! ”
“WILL YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN?! ”
“I mean, we're going to be fine, of course, no. But just to be safe, we should probably radio the Coast Guard, and everyone put on life vests. Come on, kids! Do it 'cause it's fun! ”
“Bob would be great at getting sacrificed! He's got the body for it. ”
“You didn't exactly light the world on fire, Bob. ”
“DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BOBBY! ”
“Can you toss a blankie my way? And if I could just trouble you for your least favorite plastic receptacle and a smidge of privacy. ”
“It's just good to hear a human voice. ”
“Is my ass on fire? Be honest. ”
“Unzipping your pickle, Bobby! ”
“Thank you guys for helping me with my stuff. And putting up with my stuff. And making stuffing. ”
“I can fix it! ”
“Oh, yeah! No. You should go. You have a family to get home to. I'll stay here, listen to Sting with the cheese and the crackers I put out in anticipation of your visit. ”
“Ghost car. Ghost car. ”
“The guy can barely carry a mattress, but then he pulls through down the stretch with the poignant life lesson. ”
“Hi! I mean, hey. I mean, hi. I mean, hey. ”
“You're a fiesty little Ewok. ”
“I'm too sad to eat. Maybe I'll have a burger. Actually, could I get two? ”
“Bob, I got a problem. It's big. And only you can solve it. ”
“Ho, ho, ho! Happy holidays, son. Sorry I said 'son.' That sounds weird. ”
“Plus, I can spend some time with someone I'd like to get to know better. Me. ”
“And that’s when I switched to boxer briefs. And I never looked back. Best of both worlds. ”
“There's a hot new mustache on the scene, and Bob can't stand it! Huh, Bob? You can't stand it! 'Cause I got one of these now! ”
“Woah, woah, woah. Customers can be friends. Best friends! ”
“I don't know what to do with my body! ”
“I feel like Mort talked you into this and we should all be mad at him. ”
“I love eating. ”
Other media [ ] “THIS PLACE CAN'T CLOSE! I can't live if living is without you! ”
