- “Yes, Goth Brooks?”— Mr. Ambrose to Tina Belcher
"Teen-a Witch" is the third episode in Season 7, being the one-hundred-and-tenth episode overall. It is the show's fifth Halloween-themed episode.
Plot[]
With Halloween quickly approaching, Tina reveals her brilliant idea that will finally win her first place in the annual costume contest. When Tammy steals her idea, Tina is forced to seek the help of Mr. Ambrose, who leads her to alternate and other-worldly methods of winning. Meanwhile, Bob is on a mission to figure out who is stealing his perfectly crafted pumpkins.
Full story[]
Four days before Halloween, the Belcher kids are walking to school, talking about candy and costumes. Tina believes she has a good costume idea, good enough to win the costume contest (while Louise is disqualified after last year, when she did a mocking parody of Mr. Frond). The kids arrive at the crosswalk, where Tina tells her idea of "a hot mess," dressing really messy and then putting fake flames on herself. But Tammy and Jocelyn arrive and overhear this, prompting Tammy to declare that she was also planning to be a "hot mess" while Jocelyn says they were going as "sexy judge Judys," but Tammy dismisses her. Tina asks if Tammy is only doing it because she heard Tina's idea, but Tammy says she liked the idea and it is hers now, before it was saying it was always hers and walking across the street. Tina tries to catch up to her to stop her using the hot mess idea for the contest, but Jackie, the crossing guard, stops the Belchers from crossing the street, even though there are no cars. She then holds them back on the sidewalk due to being annoyed by Tina.
At the restaurant, Bob carves a pumpkin to look like it has a burger on the front as a jack-o'lantern, which underwhelms Teddy and Linda. Bob moves to put the jack-o'-lantern outside, even though Linda says that it could be smashed or egged by passers-by, so Bob promises to bring it in when they close up for the night. Teddy then relates the story of how when he was a kid, squirrels would eat their jack-o'-lanterns, until one year his father waited with a BB gun and also poisoned the pumpkins (hence why it not his favorite Halloween).
At lunch at Wagstaff, Tina groans about how Tammy stole her costume idea. She has lost the school costume contest for the last three years. Looking around for a new idea, she sees the sandwich on her tray and comes up with a "sand-witch," a witch in between two pieces of bread. Despite her sibling's sarcasm, she heads to the library to research witches and bread. In the library, Tina asks Mr. Ambrose for books on witches, hoping to get a reference photo to help win the contest. But her stating that witches wear pointy hats and ride broomsticks frustrates Mr. Ambrose, who says witches don't wear pointy hats and ride on broomsticks, but look like everyone else while accusing Tina of using a stereotype. He tells her witches are powerful and alluring, which intrigues her, and Ambrose tells her in secret that he is a witch too. He tells her to win the contest, she should be a witch too to cast a spell to win the contest. He gives her a book of spells which may or may not work after convincing her witches are everywhere, while also noting that casting spells is dangerous (but she still can do them).
That night, Tina is in her room looking through the book, and follows the steps for an incantation to win the contest by lighting a candle and speaking the words. Just then her siblings come in, and ask what she is doing. She explains about Mr. Ambrose and the book, and that she is learning to be a witch too, to their shock. Gene points out that she's cheating at the costume contest, but Tina says that since Tammy was unfair and stole her idea, she can be unfair too. Louise asks for a spell to get out of a book report due the next day, which Tina finds. She writes the incantation on a card and burns it, and also reads an incantation for Gene to have fish sticks for lunch the next day (which Louise points out was already the lunch that day), before finding a love spell to try and use on Jimmy Jr.
Bob and Linda are cleaning dishes in the kitchen, when Bob remembers the pumpkin is still outside. However, when he exits the apartment, he sees the jack-o'-lantern has been stolen, with his exclamation irritating Edith.
The next day at school, Tina is reading the spell book in the cafeteria when Gene says he found a fish stick in his locker, while Louise says that Ms. LaBonz got jury duty, so their class had a substitute and Louise didn't have to do her book report. Tina wonders about the love spell when Jimmy Jr. and Zeke show up and ask to sit down next to her to eat. Tina and her siblings are now convinced she is a real witch and that the spells worked.
That night in the apartment, Linda smells something burning that wakes her up, and she goes to check. Gene and Louise are asleep in their rooms, but Tina is lighting a semi-circle of candles around the book to Linda's shock. She quickly blwos out the cnadles before the place burns down, and then Tina gives a quick incanation telling her mother to go to sleep. Linda does begrudgingly, more weirded out and annoyed. The next day, Tina arrives at school in a new witch get-up, of a black shirt and choker. She walks into Tammy's shoulder, and mocks Darryl and Peter Pescadero's chances of winning the costume contest before having a confused Jimmy Jr. walk her to class.
At the restaurant, Bob is carving his third jack-o'-lantern. Bob admits to Teddy that the first one was his fault for leaving it out, but Linda tells Teddy of the second one: Bob was locking up the restaurant the previous night and saw the jack-o'-lantern on the crate he left it on, so he turned to unlock the restaurant, but when he looked back ,the jack-o'-lantern had vanished, and he screamed out a big "No" (although Bob insists it was something cooler like a swear). Linda and teddy become convinced that a ghost took the pumpkin, while Bob once again leaves to put the jack-o'-lantern outside. He explains that it's bait, to catch whoever stealing them.
In the school library, Tina gives back the spell book, asking for another one as she had already cast all the spells in it. Mr. Ambrose is angered, as it was a reference book, and notes she's only been a witch for two days, telling her to take it down a notch and that tina is playing with powerful forces. He refuses to give Tina anther book, and Tina, now overconfident, declares she can just look the spells up online (before sheepishly asking him to log her in on the library computer, which he does). Later after school, Tina is at the crosswalk with her siblings, wanting to get home to cast more spells, to her sibling's annoyance. Jackie finally lets them cross, but when Tina makes a sarcastic remark about waiting all day, and then threatening to cast a spell on Jackie, the crossing guard takes Tina's barrette and speaks a spell that Tina is now cursed for 24 hours. A frightened Tina runs to the other sidewalk.
That night at dinner, Tina is barely eating, distracted at her fate being cursed. Bob is eating in the living room, watching the pumpkin from the window, to catch the thief and asks Linda to bring the salt. She says he should get it himself, and he runs quickly to the kitchen to get the salt and run back. However, he screams, as the pumpkin was stolen while he was not watching, and at first, he blames Linda for making him get the salt, before suspecting Jimmy Pesto. Linda notes that Jimmy didn't steal it, as he is bussing a table across the street. But a paranoid Bob believes otherwise, and yells at Jimmy that he is watching the latter, only for Jimmy to mock him then close the door behind him in his restaurant to further taunt Bob.
Later that night, Tina notices her bedroom window is open and goes to shut it, but see the shadow of Jackie but no one is there. Just then, she hears Jackie, who is now behind her, laughing evilly. Tina then wakes up from the nightmare. The next day outside the school, Tina is hesitant to cross the street at Jackie's post, and instead heads down to an intersection down the street, only to almost get hit by a bike. In the library, she tells Mr. Ambrose about being crossed by Jackie the crossing guard. Ambrose is unnerved, as Jackie used to be in his coven, always going darker with revenge spells and curses, and never chipping in for pizza. Tina tells him the exact curse, and then accidentally knocks over some books. Ambrose then tells her to leave so he doesn't die in a freak accident being next to her.
Bob puts his latest pumpkin outside the restaurant then walks over to Jimmy, accusing Jimmy of stealing his pumpkins. Jimmy has no clue what he's talking about and thinks Bob has "snapped" (but his line about "losing his gourd" gets a rare rebuke from Trev saying mental illness is no joke). Bob tells him he will call the police if Jimmy steals the pumpkin he has out, and almost gets hit by a bike in the process.
At Wagstaff, the Halloween costume contest is ready to begin in the auditorium. Tina is behind the stage in her sand-witch costume, while Tammy is a "hot mess" and Jocelyn is Judge Judy. Tammy says the idea works better on herself than Tina, then hastily adds if it had been Tina's idea. Tina says she will win the contest but is scared of dying first, which confuses them. Gene and Louise come up to wish Tina the best, but she is scared the curse will happen during the contest. Louise asks if she can ‘un-curse" herself before Tina is startled by a kid in a monster costume who asks to borrow her lint roller.
Mr. Frond announces the start of the contest, and Tina goes up third. However, she is terrified of the small runway and then sees Jackie in the back of the auditorium. Tina hyperventilates and freezes, fearful of the curse happening while she is on stage, and her siblings offer to walk on each side in case she falls. Tina slowly walks down the catwalk, and says out loud about being cursed for pissing off a witch (which confuses Tammy and Jocelyn, who think they may have needed to prepare a speech). Tina also says that she may have gotten carried away, such as casting love spells on multiple boys, to Frond's confusion. Tina admits she cast a spell to win the contest but is now not sure the spells worked or are even real; she suspects Jimmy Jr. responded to her bold attitude and choker necklace (which he's not sure of, while Zeke liked it), Gene always has fish sticks in his locker anyway, and Ms. LaBonz getting jury duty was likely a coincidence.
Frond tries to keep the contest going with Tammy as a hot mess, and Tina laments how that is how this all started, and apologizes to Jackie while saying she is sorry for ever listening to Ambrose about witchcraft (which he loudly denies and tells her to stop saying). Tina tells Jackie that if any curse happens, to do it now as she is tired of being a witch and will try to be more confident and so on. However, her standing talking blocks Tammy, who tells her to move and shoves Tina out of the way. This only causes Tina to go off-balance due to the fake bread slices on her costume, and she topples off the stage with Tammy breaking her fall. Later, Tina congratulates Regular Sized Rudy, who won as Marcel Marceau, while her siblings ask if they have to spot her the rest of her life when Jackie approaches. Jackie however accepts her apology and gives her back her barrette, calling Tina "uncursed" and says they are cool.
At the restaurant, Bob stares at Jimmy Pesto, thinking he will try to steal another jack-o'-lantern put out, before suddenly Mr. Fischoeder drives by on his golf cart and takes the pumpkin. Bob rushes out and stops Fischoeder, asking him what he is doing. Fischoeder says he's taking the pumpkin to his home to be with more, and his golf cart is full of other jack-o'-lanterns. He doesn't see it as stealing, thinking that they had an understanding where Bob would carve them and leave them, and then he takes them (like how people keep "giving" him bikes). Bob says it is insane while Fischoeder says Bob is the one who keeps doing it and offers to show Bob what he's doing at his house that night. In the evening, Fischoeder presents "Jack-O-Land," where his home's lawn is covered in displayed jack-o'-lanterns for the public. Linda loves it and the kids want a picture with the "burg-o'-lanterns" but it costs 5 dollars. Bob refuses to pay for a picture with his own pumpkins, but relents, while Teddy arrives with bikes that Fischoeder told him to take.
Cast[]
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Starring |
Also Starring
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Videos[]
External links[]
- "Teen-a Witch" on IMDb
- "Teen-a Witch" press release via The Futon Critic
- "Teen-a Witch" script via Springfield! Springfield!
- "Teen-a Witch" review at The A.V. Club