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I STILL HAVE A HEMORRHOID!

"The Pickleorette" is the third episode in Season 14, being the two-hundred-and-sixty-third episode overall.

Plot[]

Bob and Linda help Gretchen throw her sister's bachelorette party. Meanwhile, Tina forces Gene and Louise to play a board game they found on the street.

Full story[]

The episode starts with Linda walking into the kitchen with Bob cooking breakfast and Tina, Gene, and Louise waiting at the table to eat before going to school. Linda asks how her husband's feeling, and he replies that he's good. The two describe Bob's trip to the doctor's. They disclosed that Bob had a hemorrhoid in his butt, and the practitioner stated that if the hemorrhoid didn't diminish, they would have put a needle up Bob's butt. It terrified him because of his hemophobia, but the doctor postponed the procedure only since Bob's phobia symptoms made them uncomfortable. Bob tells his kids that the hemorrhoid is gone now, and then Linda goes and checks her phone, worried about how Gretchen hasn't called back. Linda reveals that she melted Gretchen's hairstyle lookbook at her salon, upsetting the latter. Bob asks how Linda was capable of that while getting a haircut, and Linda responds by narrating how Gretchen went away while doing Linda's hair, putting her curling iron down. She didn't notice the curling iron, and when Linda finished looking at Gretchen's lookbook, she accidentally put it on the curling iron and charred the journal. After telling her family about the incident, Linda calls Gretchen's phone again. It goes to voicemail, and Linda walks away while delivering Gretchen a message.

The kids leave home and walk to school. Tina notices a stand of free items around the corner, particularly Veterinarian, the board game on the table. Tina is the only one excited about the board game, and she keeps it with her so they can play it after school.

Back at the restaurant, Gretchen enters with a frown while Linda cleans the counters and Teddy eats his burger. Linda offers Gretchen a free burger, and Gretchen accepts. Teddy questions why Gretchen is getting a free meal since he didn't. Linda tells Bob to make one burger of the day for Gretchen, and she also fully announces how Bob had hemorrhoid and what the doctor would've done if it hadn't gone away, despite her husband's nervousness and 'subtle' hints at getting her to stop. While Bob goes to cook Gretchen's burger, Gretchen tells Linda how she can forgive her for burning her lookbook. Gretchen asks her to get Nat Kinkle, the limousine driver, to chauffeur the bachelorette party of her younger sister, Jestain. Linda instantly calls Nat to ask her since it is almost like Gretchen ordered her to, but Nat reveals she can't since she's visiting her friend, Axel, in Cedarburg, Wisconsin. However, Nat authorizes Linda to borrow it if Linda finds someone to drive it. Linda believes she can operate the limo, and Gretchen is happy she secured the luxury vehicle.

Once it's night and the Belchers are in their living room, Gretchen calls Linda, telling her she's upset since she forgot to invite Jestain's friends to the bachelorette party. Linda offers to be one of Jestain's guests, even though she doesn't know Gretchen's younger sister well. The only person she could invite was their third-grade teacher, Ms. Baker. Linda suggests Gayle could come, too, and since Gretchen is desperate, the stylist permits them both to join. Linda also recommends that Bob can chauffeur, even though Bob doesn't want to, but Linda begs him to since she needs Gretchen's forgiveness. Tina looks up from the board game instructions she was reading and piles on trying to get her dad to play the board game with her, but everyone in the family rejects her offer.

Linda and Bob ask Jen to babysit their kids and dress up for Jestain's party. When the pair finish getting ready, Linda wonders why Jen hasn't shown up yet. Linda calls Jen again, but Jen tells Linda she thought she meant next weekend, and she was already at her other job, teaching a night school. Since Jen isn't coming, Linda puts Tina in charge of her siblings, and Tina gets excited since she realizes her temporary authority will allow her to force her siblings to play the board game. The two adults leave and pick up Gayle for the bachelorette party.

Once they get Gayle, the two sisters interact in the limousine while Bob tries not to damage Nat's vehicle. Gretchen calls Linda, and she tells Linda they can't let Jestain know that he's her husband. She hangs up, and Linda instructs ways for Bob to 'not be her husband,' like "[coming] up with a fake name" and "[having] an accent." Gayle joins in, telling Bob to have the vibe of someone who's an "ex-con putting [his] life back together. And [he] didn't mean to hurt all those people, but their ghosts come to see [him] at night and give [him] little riddles to solve about their lives." They reach where Gretchen, Jestain, and Ms. Baker are, and Bob greets them as Dob the driver in a terrible Italian accent, adding that he's also not married.

Once Bob resumes driving, Jestain introduces Linda and Gayle to Ms. Baker. Jestain gets excited about going to Pickles at the end of their night. She reveals how the last time she went with Gretchen, three of the dancers, Throb, Rocket, and Steve, were having a tea party on the stage until the music started playing, and the three sex workers formed a pyramid and the person on top sprayed tea everywhere like "the damn fountain at the Bellagio." Jestain wishes she could witness that again for her party, and Gretchen promises it will happen.

Back at the Belcher's home, Tina makes her siblings play Veterinarian. She reads the instructions and tells Gene to spin the spinner, and he moves four spaces. Gene gets excited when he lands on a "performance square" and gets $150 game money for "[expressing] poodle's anal glands." Tina goes after and moves six spaces, being excited until she realizes she landed on an unlucky square. Tina gets a little upset at this, but Tina pretends to brush it off and tells Louise to spin and move.

The episode returns to Bob chauffeuring the bachelorette party to dinner. He mentions that they'll be driving by Pickles on their way. The ladies talk about how excited they are about that, but Bob notices they're fumigating Pickles, and he relays this to Linda. Linda tells Bob to go a different direction so they don't see Pickles.

They reach The Oyster Palace, where they're having dinner for the party. As everyone goes in, Linda tells Gretchen to stay back, and she tells her about Pickles. They try coming up with alternative destinations, but Gretchen resigns. However, Linda makes a vow to Gretchen, saying she will make sure this is a good party for Jestain. Linda suddenly remembers Jen's cousin, Hot Cousin Dave, who works at Pickles. Linda wants to call Jen so she can get Dave's number so he can give them Throb, Rocket, and Steve's numbers. Since Pickles is getting fumigated and Gretchen's landlord banned her from having parties, Linda hints that they could use the restaurant. Bob doesn't want this to happen, but Linda and Gretchen pressure him enough, and he gives in. Linda and Gretchen head into The Oyster Palace while Bob calls Jen.

Meanwhile, Gene and Louise are experiencing success with Veterinarian and are enjoying the board game they thought they'd hate. However, Tina's bad luck makes her unable to enjoy the game. Louise notices that Tina is upset, but Tina pretends that she still wants to play the game.

Jestain and her party are having alcoholic drinks and eating oysters. Gretchen passes her worries to Linda about Bob being able to secure Throb, Rocket, and Steve. Jestain, Gayle, and Ms. Baker are still enjoying the party since they don't know about Pickles, and Ms. Baker hands out her stickers to everyone.

Bob is on the phone with Hot Cousin Dave, and he asks if he has the phone number of Throb, Rocket, and Steve. Hot Cousin Dave gives Bob their phone numbers, and Bob keeps getting turned down by all the men since they're busy doing something else. Steve doesn't pick up, but Bob gives him a desperate voicemail before the ladies finish with dinner. When Jestain, Gayle, and Ms. Baker enter the car, Bob talks to Linda and Gretchen about this. They start hoping the alcohol she drank at the restaurant will make her not notice that Pickles is actually a restaurant named Bob's Burgers, and there might not be any strippers there. As they finish speaking, Jestain, Gayle, and Ms. Baker pop their heads out of the car's roof and chant, "Strippers! Strippers! Strippers!"

Bob gets the ladies to his restaurant, pretending it's a more exclusive establishment of Pickles. Gayle starts to blow their cover, but Linda stops her. They all go into the restaurant.

Tina, Gene, and Louise continue to play Veterinarian. Louise and Gene are tired from playing for so long, and Louise suggests they sleep. Tina denies Louise's request as Linda comes up to get sheets and a strobe light for the fake Pickles show. Linda tells them about the strippers who might not show up, and Tina offers to help Linda and Bob, mainly to see the sex workers. Linda declines and tells her kids to go to bed since it's late before returning to the restaurant. The information about strippers gets Tina to stop the game, and she and her siblings make a plan to watch the stripper show. They go into the attic to go into the crawl space so they can watch the show while remaining hidden.

While everyone is waiting for the strippers, Gretchen realizes that they won't be coming. Bob suggests that he can strip if they turn off all the lights in the room, but Gretchen turns down his offer. Gretchen reveals everything to Jestain—how she forgot to invite her friends, how she didn't get a limo but hired Linda's husband instead, and didn't call for a reservation at Pickles. Gretchen starts crying, and the stylist admits that she only accepted to host Jestain's bachelorette party because of how much her little sister looks up to her, her big sister. Ms. Baker boos because there won't be any strippers, and the Belcher children watch from the crawl space vent. Linda tells Gretchen that big sisters don't always have to be perfect, and Jestain tells Gretchen that everything that went wrong with the party didn't matter as long as her big sister was with her. They both hug and as they do, Bob blurts out that he still has his hemorrhoid and he's in a lot of pain. He reveals he was scared to ask Linda to hold his hand at the butt doctor, but Linda tells her husband she will. The strippers from Pickles enter the restaurant as Bob apologizes for revealing this. Only Steve from the trio managed to come, so he can't do the "tea party routine," but he brought his friend, Smooth, to do the "double Dutch routine." Steve tells them they can't do the tea party routine because they need three people to form the pyramid, but Gretchen offers herself as one of the performers, saying she can be one of the bases. While Gretchen, Steve, and Smooth get on the counters to perform the tea party routine, Tina desperately tries to look at what's happening since she can only see their legs. It amuses Louise and Gene.

In the End Credits Sequence, the strippers and the guests are leaving, but Ms. Baker is unconscious in a booth, and Gretchen is unconscious in the kitchen. The children leave the crawl space and help in the restaurant. Linda is cleaning up the party, and Bob, Tina, and Louise prepare a burger that Linda serves. Gene puts on his hamburger suit after leaving the crawl space and wakes up Gretchen.

Videos[]

External links[]


Episode Navigation vte
Season Episodes
The Demo
1 Human FleshCrawl SpaceSacred CowSexy Dance FightingHamburger Dinner TheaterSheesh! Cab, Bob?Bed & BreakfastArt CrawlSpaghetti Western and MeatballsBurger WarWeekend at Mort'sLobsterfestTorpedo
2 The BelchiesBob Day AfternoonSynchronized SwimmingBurgerbossFood Truckin'Dr. YapMoody FoodieBad TinaBeefsquatch
3 Ear-sy RiderFull BarsBob Fires the KidsMutiny on the WindbreakerAn Indecent Thanksgiving ProposalThe DeepeningTinarannosaurus WrecksThe Unbearable Like-Likeness of GeneGod Rest Ye Merry Gentle-MannequinsMother Daughter Laser RazorNude BeachBroadcast Wagstaff School NewsMy Fuzzy ValentineLindapendent WomanO.T. The Outside ToiletTopsyTwo for TinaIt Snakes a VillageFamily FracasThe Kids Run the RestaurantBoyz 4 NowCarpe MuseumThe Unnatural
4 A River Runs Through BobFort NightSeaplane!My Big Fat Greek BobTurkey in a CanPurple Rain-UnionBob and DeliverChristmas in the CarSlumber PartyPresto Tina-oEasy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercialThe Frond FilesMazel TinaUncle TeddyThe Kids Rob a TrainI Get Psy-chic Out of YouThe EquestranautsAmbergrisThe Kids Run AwayGene It OnWharf HorseWorld Wharf II: The Wharfening
5 Work Hard or Die Trying, GirlTina and the Real GhostFriends with Burger-fitsDawn of the PeckBest BurgerFather of the BobTina Tailor Soldier SpyMidday RunSpeakeasy RiderLate Afternoon in the Garden of Bob and LouiseCan't Buy Me MathThe Millie-churian CandidateThe Gayle TalesLi'l Hard DadAdventures in Chinchilla-sittingThe Runway ClubThe Itty Bitty Ditty CommitteeEat, Spray, LindaHousetrapHawk & ChickThe Oeder Games
6 Sliding BobsThe Land ShipThe HaunteningGayle Makin' Bob SledNice-CapadesThe Cook, the Steve, the Gayle, & Her LoverThe Gene & Courtney ShowSexy Dance HealingSacred CouchLice Things Are LiceHouse of 1000 BouncesStand by GeneWag the HogThe Hormone-iumsPro Tiki/Con TikiBye Bye Boo BooThe Horse Rider-erSecret Admiral-irerGlued, Where's My Bob?
7 Flu-ouiseSea Me NowTeen-a WitchThey Serve Horses, Don't They?Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?The Quirk-ducersThe Last Gingerbread House on the LeftEx MachTinaBob ActuallyThere's No Business Like Mr. Business BusinessA Few 'Gurt MenLike Gene for ChocolateThe Grand Mama-pest HotelAquaticismAin't Miss Debatin'Eggs for DaysZero Larp ThirtyThe Laser-inthThelma & Louise Except Thelma is LindaMom, Lies, and VideotapeParaders of the Lost FloatInto the Mild
8 BrunchsquatchThe Silence of the LouiseThe Wolf of Wharf StreetSit Me Baby One More TimeThanks-hoardingThe BleakeningV for Valentine-dettaY Tu Ga-Ga TambienThe Secret Ceramics Room of SecretsSleeping with the FrenemyThe Hurt SoccerCheer Up, Sleepy GeneThe Trouble with DoublesGo Tina on the MountainAre You There Bob? It's Me, BirthdayBoywatchAs I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of RampsMo Mommy Mo ProblemsMission Impos-slug-bleSomething Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You
9 Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for NowThe Taking of Funtime One Two ThreeTweentrepreneursNightmare on Ocean Avenue StreetLive and Let FlyBobby DriverI Bob Your PardonRoller? I Hardly Know Her!UFO No You Didn'tBetter Off SledLorenzo's Oil? No, Linda'sThe Helen HuntBed, Bob & BeyondEvery Which Way but GooseThe Fresh Princ-ipalRoamin' Bob-idayWhat About Blob?If You Love It So Much, Why Don't You Marionette?Long Time Listener, First Time BobThe Gene MileP.T.A. It Ain't SoYes Without My Zeke
10 The Ring (But Not Scary)Boys Just Wanna Have FungusMotor, She BoatPig Trouble in Little TinaLegends of the MallThe Hawkening: Look Who's Hawking Now!Land of the LoftNow We're Not Cooking with GasAll That GeneHave Yourself a Maily Linda ChristmasDrumforgivenA Fish Called TinaThree Girls and a Little WharfyWag the SongYurty Rotten ScoundrelsFlat-Top o' the Morning to YaJust the TripTappy Tappy Tappy Tap Tap TapThe Handyman CanPoops!… I Didn't Do It AgainLocal She-roPrank You for Being a Friend
11 Dream a Little Bob of BobWorms of In-Rear-mentCopa-Bob-banaHeartbreak Hotel-oweenFast Time Capsules at Wagstaff SchoolBob Belcher and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad KidsDiarrhea of a Poopy KidThe Terminalator II: Terminals of EndearmentMommy BoyYachty or NiceRomancing the BeefDie Card, or Card TryingAn Incon-Wheelie-ent TruthMr. Lonely FartsSheshank RedumptionY Tu Tina TambiénFingers-looseSome Kind of Fender BenderfulBridge Over Troubled RudySteal Magazine-oliasTell Me Dumb Thing GoodVampire Disco Death Dance
12 Manic Pixie Crap ShowCrystal MessThe PumpkineningDriving Big DummySeven-tween AgainBeach, PleaseLoft in BedslationStuck in the Kitchen with YouFOMO You Didn'tGene's Christmas BreakTouch of Eval(uations)Ferry on My Wayward Bob and LindaFrigate Me KnotVideo Killed the Gene-io StarAncient Misbehavin'Interview with a Pop-pop-pireThe Spider House RulesClear and Present GingerA-Sprout a BoySauce Side StorySome Like It Bot Part 1: Eighth Grade RunnerSome Like It Bot Part 2: Judge-bot Day
13 To Bob, or Not to BobThe Reeky Lake ShowWhat About Job?Comet-y of ErrorsSo You Stink You Can DanceApple Gore-chard! (But Not Gory)Ready Player GenePutts-givingShow Mama from the GraveThe Plight Before ChristmasCheaty Cheaty Bang BangOh Row You Didn'tStop! Or My Mom Will Sleuth!These Boots Are Made for StalkingThe Show (and Tell) Must Go OnWhat a (April) Fool BelievesCrows Encounters of the Bird KindGift Card or Buy TryingCrab-solutely FabulousRadio No You Didn'tMother Author Laser PointerAmelia
14 Fight at the Not Okay Chore-ralThe Amazing RudyThe PickleoretteRunning Down a GeneBully-ieve It or NotEscape from Which Island?The (Raccoon) King and IWharf, Me Worry?Fraud of the Dead: Zombie-docu-pocalypseThe Nightmare 2 Days Before ChristmasMission Impossi-BobJade in the ShadeButt Sweat and Fears
15 TBA
Unknown season (order subject to change) The Big StieblitzkiThe Tina Table: The Tables Have Tina-edThe Right Tough StuffTo Catch a BeefDon't Stop Be-cheesin'For Whom the Doll ToesThey Slug Horses, Don't They?Hope N' Mic NightBoogie DaysDog Christmas Day After AfternoonAdvice Things Are Ad-NiceMr. Fischoeder's OpusLike a Candle in the GymSnackfaceThe Place Beyond the PineconesThe Lost City of AtlanticInsomnibobWild Steal-ionsThe Shell GameThe Dead Bo-ats SocietyDad-urday Kite FeverMr. Safebody
See also: Episode Guide
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