- “I didn't expect to feel this way. I was focusing on Santa, but the best presents are sitting here, and they aren't even wrapped up.”
" The Plight Before Christmas" is the tenth episode in Season 13, being the two-hundred-and-forty-eighth episode overall.
Plot[]
Bob and Linda try to attend all three kids' holiday performances at the same time.
Full story[]
It's Friday evening, nine days before Christmas, and Bob and Linda are doing their closing routine in the restaurant. Tina and Gene are sitting in the booths wearing their heavy jackets, with Tina watching Gene hit his mallets on the table while reading a paper of sheet music. Linda pretends to enjoy hearing Gene's noise but slightly suggests that he should stop. Tina also chimes in. Bob exits the kitchen while putting on his coat, telling his son it's great to hear him excited about tonight. Gene scoffingly says he is, pointing out that it's Ms. Merkin's "first-ever original sixth-grade holiday all-xylophone musical spectacular." Seeing his wife distressed, Bob tells Linda not to worry since he will film the musical with his camera. He also assures Tina that her mom will record her play, saying that they'll get to watch both of them when they get home tonight. When Bob brings up Tina, Linda feels cheerful again, conveying that her daughter will be the star of the Thundergirls' holiday play at City Hall Plaza. Tina reminds her mom that she's the star in the play since she's playing an actual star. Linda asks where Louise is while confirming with her husband that their daughter is coming with her. He tells her that she can go with either of them. Gene asks his parents how they chose which performance they would attend, and Bob says he and their mom just flipped a coin, adding that they "calmly" did it. Linda tells her kids she almost threw up.
Suddenly, Louise enters the restaurant wearing her jacket as well. Her mom asks if she's ready to go, and her daughter confirms. Louise simultaneously asks who's taking her to the library when her mom asks if she wants to attend Tina's or Gene's performance. Everyone becomes confused. Louise tells her parents that the library selected her to read her poem for the holiday poetry contest, which shocks both of her parents. Flustered, Bob and Linda both try to excuse themselves. Linda says she thought it was tomorrow, and Bob says he only knows what she knows. In a calm tone, Louise says it's "fine." The daughter reminds them she submits a poem that involves poop that she gets to say read it aloud in the library if it gets selected, and the library showcases it for a month. Louise assures she doesn't want them there and only requires a ride to the library. Still upset about the situation, Linda asks Tina, Gene, and Louise what time each of their things starts so there can be a solution, but they all tell her it's at six. Knowing there's no way to solve this, Linda wails and sinks to the floor. Bob tries to calm his wife down since two passersby are looking at her. He says they must follow Louise's plan and tells her to drop Louise off at the library and pick her up when Tina's performance finishes while he walks to Wagstaff with Gene. The dad tells his youngest daughter she has to try to recreate the reading tonight for them, saying he and her mom "really want to hear her poop poem." Louise remains unconcerned and says she'll even read it with a funny accent. Linda is still upset and cries that it's the worst day of her life. Bob scrambles out of the restaurant with his son as Linda reminds him to get the camera and get a good angle.
Linda is driving Tina and Louise to the library. Sitting in the backseat with her little sister, Tina confirms if Louise did send her "Who Picks Up the Reindeer Poop?" poem. Louise sarcastically confirms. Tina tells her sister she still believes she should've submitted something "from the heart" this year, which receives a flat response from Louise, who says that would've been hilarious. Linda asks her children what they're talking about. Louise quickly says it's nothing, but Tina tells her mother she's been trying to convince Louise to submit an "actual poem" for the holiday contest. Louise defends herself, saying that "Who Picks Up the Reindeer Poop?" is an "actual poem" and says it involves a subject everyone should be talking about. Tina presses on and says she should've written a poem about something meaningful to her, but her sister tries to stop her from speaking. The older sister tries recalling that she told her she wrote a "dumb serious" one and asks her sister to show her the folder her poem is in. More annoyed, Louise swipes her folder far away from her sister, telling Tina she won't be "poop-shamed." They arrive at the library, but Linda can't park without double parking, so the mom tells Tina to stay in the car while she goes to the library with Louise to tell her goodbye.
Bob and Gene reach Wagstaff's auditorium, and they hear nervous whispering and see upset faces from everyone. A woman introduces herself to the father and son, telling them she's Ms. Bisselbender, the substitute music teacher. Gene becomes shocked, knowing that means Ms. Merkin isn't here. The substitute explains that Ms. Merkin's sister had an emergency appendectomy at the hospital, which led to Merkin's appendix also bursting, possibly from sympathy. She says she's supposed to be running the school assembly now despite not knowing anything about music, but she must because the school threatened her. Bisselbender asks Bob to "go look apprehensive with the other parents" and tells Gene to follow her. Bob sees his son is worried, so he tries assuring Gene that he's been practicing. However, Gene reveals that Ms. Merkin made up a system to direct him and the other sixth-graders since they were lousy at reading music. Bob reads Ms. Merkin's instructions on Gene's sheet music, which makes him also nervous.
Meanwhile, Louise is in the library, anxiously examining the other contestants and the adults who came to support them. She wasn't expecting there'd be so many people here. At City Hall Plaza, Linda is helping Ginny put on the costumes for the Thundergirls. She asks the troop leader if she made them, and Ginny confirms, saying she stayed up all night to create eighteen different costumes. Tina tells her mom that the troop leader is "a little stretched." Seeing the star outfit she's putting on her daughter, Linda asks Ginny if everyone auditioned for their roles, but Tina and Ginny inform the mother it's randomly assigned. Linda is still proud, saying the star costume fits Tina "like a glove." While Ginny is helping Harley with her candle costume, Harley looks at Tina, admitting she wants to be the star. The troop leader fervently reminds Harley of her role and tells her to "be the fire." Harley continues, saying she's also four other parts, but the star is a "through line." Linda warns her daughter that Harley and everyone is "gunning" for her.
In the backstage of the school auditorium, Ms. Bisselbender tries repeating what the sixth-graders just told her about Ms. Merkin's instructions. She asks how they're possible, and Gene and Peter Pescadero remark that Ms. Merkin is brilliant. Not being confident, the substitute asks if the performance is critical to them, and everyone approves, with Courtney Wheeler saying Ms. Merkin is her favorite teacher. Gene agrees. Knowing there's no way to avoid it, Bisselbender says they have to figure out a way to "make Ms. Merkin proud." She looks at her phone, says there's about one minute left, and asks if anyone wants to explain music to her quickly. Wanting to help, Gene asks who has an MP3 player and asks the substitute how she feels about explicit lyrics.
Doug and Mrs. Wheeler are sitting next to Bob for the performance. Doug asks where Linda is, and Bob tells him they had to split up tonight, revealing the situation about Tina. A parent next to them says he and his husband also have a problem with their oldest kid's performance, saying they're rushing out after the Wagstaff assembly. Bob adds they're also missing Louise's performance, which gets surprised reactions from both the Wheelers and the other parents. Bob says he feels "really bad" now because of their reactions. The other parents unconvincingly try to reassure him.
Linda and Ginny are helping two girls into a log costume. Ginny thanks the mother for her help, saying it was better when the dress rehearsal was in her apartment, and they didn't do the "dress part." Linda asks the troop leader what costume they're even helping the girls into, and Ginny tells her it's a Yule log, assuring her it's not a giant poop. Linda nervously says she didn't think it was, but the troop leader knows she was, sarcastically thanking Jodi, who's putting on her costume next to them. Jodi defends herself, and Ginny agrees it does in an annoyed tone. While watching everyone else get ready, Tina is in her star costume, wondering if Louise read her poop poem yet and thinking about how weird her little sister was acting on the drive to the library. Remembering how Louise was highly defensive of her poetry folder, Tina realizes that Louise wrote a genuine poem for the play that she wanted no one else to see. Linda asks her daughter what's wrong, and Tina reveals everything, telling her that Louise must've been embarrassed that the poem was important to her. The mom shrieks in horror, knowing that her littlest daughter is alone, and neither she nor Bob can listen to her poem.
Louise is still fearfully looking around the library as the poetry reading is about to begin.
Bob receives a message from Linda demanding that he call her, so he exits the school to call his wife back. While still helping the Thundergirls play, Linda reveals everything Tina says to him, which shocks Bob similarly. He asks why Louise would trick them, and Linda says their daughter might have been hiding her hurt feelings that they couldn't attend. Bob asks Linda if she can go since she has the car, but his wife tells him she's helping with Tina's play. She asks him if he could take a cab to the library between Gene's performance to watch the end of Gene's. Bob is hesitant, but suddenly, a taxi drives by him, so he tells Linda he will hang up as he chases the car, trying to get the driver's attention.
Louise watches a contestant named Aliah read her poem, seeing some audience members respond strongly and emotionally. When the girl finishes, many people clap. The librarian thanks her for reading it and calls up Benjamin Branf, the boy next to Louise, to read his poem. Louise jokingly says, "Good luck following that," quickly saying she's kidding as the boy approaches the podium. She turns to Michael Carlish, shaking her head.
A cab driver is driving an exhausted, panting Bob, who states it took so long for him to notice him. The man says sorry, saying he thought Bob was just a jogger. Bob adds that he yelled so much, and the man apologizes again and tells him he can't hear well. Feeling worried, Bob asks the cab driver if they're going to the library, and the man says they're going to the refinery, which makes Bob more appalled than tired. Bob points out that he wanted to go to the library to the bad-at-hearing cab driver and asks what refinery they would have been going to. The driver eases Bob, telling him he will find a place to turn around but admitting he's terrible at turning around.
At Wagstaff, Ms. Bisselbender is ineptly trying to conduct the sixth-graders while the sixth-graders ineptly follow her instructions and try playing on their xylophones. At City Hall Plaza, Linda watches Tina as she gathers up a prop during the play. She hears Harley, who quietly repeats every line Tina speaks. Tina finishes her scene and returns to her mom, urging her to go to Louise's reading. Linda expresses that she can't but says it's okay since her dad is going. Linda also points out to her daughter she has another scene, but Tina says it doesn't matter since she has no lines. Tina asks her mom how her dad is going to the library since he doesn't have their car. Linda tells her daughter her dad took a cab, saying he's probably there now.
Meanwhile, Bob is still in the cab, answering "no" whenever the cab driver points to a building and asks if it's the library. Bob asks the man if he knows what a library looks like, and the man laughs at his oblivion. Looking around, Bob realizes where they are and asks the cab driver to let him out. When they stop, Bob hands him a bill and tells him to keep the change, and the man says he hopes Bob finds what he's looking for. Bob comments that it's not good for cab drivers to say as the Belcher closes the car door and starts running, trying to find the library. While running, Bob pulls out his phone to try and use the GPS to find the library but curses when he realizes it's not working. Bob calls Linda, who asks if the reading is over. Bob admits he's not at the library yet because the cab idea was lousy, so his wife asks if there's a bicycle or a horse he could ride on. Bob tells her he's running and asks his wife if she knows the library's address. She tries to repeat it, but the stress and being occupied with helping the Thundergirls play causes her not to remember. Fortunately, Bob approaches the back of the library and tells his wife he has to go as he hangs up. Bob asks a walker with a dog if he knows how to go through the fence's library, explaining that his daughter is about to read a poem and he's worried he won't make it in time. The man is confused but tells the Belcher he can help give Bob a boost instead.
As the man tries helping Bob up the fence, the man's dog starts barking and wrestling with Bob's pants. The man desperately apologizes, saying his dog thinks Bob is a burglar. Despite the dog ripping off part of his pants and falling ungracefully to the ground, Bob manages to get on the other side. Bob picks himself up and runs to the library's entrance, thanking the man in a confused tone. Bob is running to the library entrance, but seeing the lights off, he already fears the worst. He tugs on the doors, but they aren't opening, and he realizes he's at the wrong library.
At the library Louise is at, Louise is looking at the poem she submitted for the contest, telling herself she can't read it because the audience will hate it. She pulls out her "Who Picks Up the Reindeer Poop?" poem, saying she could read her poop poem instead. The idea starts sounding more feasible, as Louise reasons that she would already finish when people figure it's not the poem she submitted.
While still helping with the play, Linda gets a call from Bob. Bob pantingly tells her he went to the wrong branch of the library, which is the main branch. Worried, Linda tells her husband Louise is at the local branch, which surprises him. Bob whines that there should only be one library. Linda comments that she wouldn't run for office saying that. They both tell each other that they're bad parents. Bob tells his wife he's running back to Wagstaff to see the end of Gene's xylophone musical. He also says that he hates the holidays, but Linda denies this. Bob admits he doesn't but says he hates running and the camera bag he's been wearing the entire time. Bob immediately falls onto the sidewalk, which Linda doesn't know, but all she can hear is Bob crying in pain.
At Wagstaff's auditorium, the sixth-graders continue to play their xylophones without anyone in the audience enjoying it. No longer conducting, Ms. Bisselbender tells them all to stop. She turns to the audience and thanks them, saying they played "three songs being played at the same time" while stating that was her fault. Some of the audience members clap in courtesy. The substitute tells the audience there will be an intermission to conceive a plan for the program's finisher and begs them not to leave, adding that they can't since they must take their children home.
Ms. Bisselbender and her students are all backstage. Courtney comments that they played terribly. Gene chimes in, saying he's never heard angry applause before. Bisselbender ineffectively tries to make the students feel better, but she says that they can finish the musical strong. She asks the students what Ms. Merkin would do, and Gene thinks of what she would do, but all he can think of is his music teacher saying, "I don't know!" Mr. Frond races over to see if they need counseling, saying he's "trained in trauma and disaster counseling." Ms. Bisselbender tells him that's not helpful, and the counselor apologizes. Courtney asks her peers if they should no longer play, which gives Gene an idea. He tells them that they're playing too many notes and suggests there should be fewer. The substitute expresses she doesn't know what he's talking about, but she loves the tone of his voice.
Tina continues begging her mom to go to Louise's play, but Ginny begs Linda not to, saying she will die if she leaves. Linda cries that this is a nightmare.
Bob arrives during the play's intermission and sees Doug and his wife talking to each other by the auditorium's entrance. Seeing his state, Doug asks the Belcher what happened to him. Mrs. Wheeler asks if his knees are bleeding, and Bob confirms. Doug asks if Bob "[went] around and [saw] what life would've been like if you had never been born and someone punched you and threw you out of a bar and then you jumped into a river." Bob tells Doug he didn't, but Doug expresses that that would've been better than what's been playing at the auditorium, saying that his ears feel like how Bob's knees look. Ms. Bisselbender returns from backstage and tells the audience to return to their seats. Referring to Gene, she says they're just making "a few minor modifications" as Gene scurries across the stage to remove specific bars from all of the xylophones. She tries making some crowd work to stall the audience. When he finishes, Bisselbender tells them she's "here all week" or "possibly never again" after seeing Mr. Frond's face at her from backstage.
Bisselbender and her students return to the stage, ready to play the finale of their performance. Bisselbender begins conducting again as Gene starts the performance off. Soon, all the other students begin playing, and the sixth-graders start playing better. Simultaneously, the Thundergirls are still performing, with Linda watching her star on the stage, and Bob is recording Gene's musical finale, and simultaneously, the librarian calls up a nervous Louise to read her play, who's already made up her mind to read her poop poem. Linda hugs her star and congratulates her when she finishes, and she thanks Linda, but it's not Tina's voice. Linda is shocked, pulls off the star's cover, and discovers that Harley's been the star. The Belcher mom starts shaking Harley and interrogating her, thinking she must have done something to her daughter. While getting shaken, Harley reveals that it was all Tina's idea, as Linda gasps in realization.
Louise is at the podium of the library, getting ready to read her poop poem. Suddenly, she notices her panting sister waving at her, who sprinted sometime between the Thundergirls' play to the library to see her reading. Louise's expression changes when she sees her sister. Still on edge, Louise begins to read "What's Around the Tree," the poem Louise submitted for the contest. She reads about her family on Christmas morning, talking about how she sees her parents, brother, and sister, stifling her cry when mentioning Tina. She continues to speak about her family as Gene's sixth-grader musical climaxes, and Ginny and the other Thundergirls receive a standing ovation for their performances. Linda arrives at the library in time to hear Louise finish the ending of her poem as the audience claps. Louise looks at the crowd, changing her reaction about reading her poem aloud.
Ms. Bisselbender guarantees the audience a grand finale, enthusiastically conducting her students to the end. When Bisselbender, Gene, and the other sixth-graders finish, the audience roars and gives the performers and their conductor a standing ovation.
Tina and Louise are in their car with their mom, who drives them to Wagstaff to pick up their dad and brother. In a singsongy manner, Tina tells her younger sister that she loves her family. Louise quickly stifles her. Linda asks her girls what they're talking about, and Tina repeats what she said to Louise, which Linda approves sentimentally. Louise silences her sister again, telling her that their mom knows.
After the performance, Bob is with Gene in the auditorium, who tells Ms. Bisselbender they should tour. Bob agrees. Mr. Frond comes over to hand the substitute her check, telling her it's only $35 since it counted as half a day. Bisselbender is disappointed, and even Bob reacts in pity. Mr. Frond apologizes, but Bisselbender says she has to go as she says goodbye to everyone still in the auditorium. Watching her leave, Gene remarks, saying, "There goes the best damn substitute music teacher who knows nothing about music that I've ever seen.
The Belchers return home, with Bob and Linda alone in the kitchen, drinking wine while Bob reads Louise's play and Linda applies rubbing alcohol to her husband's wounds. In the morning, Gene visits Devereaux General Hospital with his dad to see Ms. Merkin. He tells his music teacher about the performance as she watches the recording on the camera Bob filmed. On Christmas morning, Tina, Gene, and Louise are unwrapping their presents in the living room as Bob and Linda watch from the sofa.
External links[]
- "The Plight Before Christmas" on IMDb
- "The Plight Before Christmas" press release via The Futon Critic
- "The Plight Before Christmas" script via Springfield! Springfield!