- “Can you toss a blankie my way? And if I could just trouble you for your least favorite plastic receptacle and a smidge of privacy.”
"Zero Larp Thirty" is the seventeenth episode in Season 7, being the one-hundred-and-twenty-fourth episode overall.
Plot[]
When Linda wins a contest to spend a dream weekend at the home where her favorite television show is filmed, things don't go quite as planned. Also, Teddy's back problems leave him stuck on the floor while he babysits the kids.
Full Synopsis[]
At the restaurant, the kids return from school, where Tina’s water fountain story is interrupted by Linda, who excitedly states that she won the contest she entered, the Winthorpe Manor LARP (and not the lifetime supply of insoles as Gene wanted). She and Bob will stay at the actual estate and dress as the characters from her favorite show, but Bob is surprised and unsure about acting like the characters. The kids explain about LARP as “live-action role play”, and Linda says all the guests will be in character all weekend. Bob is upset that Linda didn’t win a “normal” contest, but Linda loves the show, which Tina says is the American Downton Abbey, depicting the life of America’s wealthiest textile family in 1901 and the men and women who served them. Bob suggests that since tina knows a lot about it, she should go, but Linda says the LARP is no kids allowed. Tina asks who is watching them all weekend, and Linda says it is Teddy (exciting Louise, as he is a pushover babysitter).
Later outside, Bob and Linda are in the car, saying goodbye to Teddy and the kids before driving off. After several hours of driving (and listening to the show’s theme on CD). The finally arrive at the estate of Winthorpe Manor, with Bob being even amazed. After parking, Linda rushes to meet the crowd of LARPers waiting outside the gates, meeting Marshall, Nancy, and Charlene. The four laugh at a reference to an episode, before gasping at how Bob has never watched.
At the apartment, Teddy sets up a toy train track in the living room, and is set for a weekend of fun with it before he suddenly throws out his back, and winds up lying on the floor in the oval created by the train track. Teddy refuses a doctor and says if he lays down for a few hours, it will fix itself, despite the obvious pain he is in.
Outside the manor gates, Linda and Nancy talk about how they both won the contest, while everyone else has paid for the experience. Just then, an old-time car pulls up out of the gates, and the tuxedo-driver, Mr. Perkins, welcomes them to Winthorpe Manor. He is the master of ceremonies and asks how many experienced LARPers there are, of which there are a few, such as one named Ernie who has done multiple. Perkins hands out envelopes with their randomly assigned character’s names, and explains how they will sleep in the rooms and eat what they eat and wear their clothes. Marshall is excited to be “William the underbutler”, while Bob is “Oliver the footman”. Nancy is Mrs. Winthrope, while Linda is Iris, Mrs. Winthorpe’s maid, while Nancy is excited they will be working together, although Linda will do most of the work. Perkins directs the “upstairs characters” into the automobile, but tells the rest to walk to the manor as it is a luxury and that most servants will never set foot in one. Bob is annoyed as they walk the long walk to the manor.
In the manor, the two LARPer groups divided by class of character are lined up in the main hallway, with Perkins telling the “servants” that their clothes would have been itchy and smell of mold in 1901 when Linda complains. He goes over more topics: The LARP has no access to the south wing, the east wing, the central corridor, the entire third, fourth and fifth floors, and the library. And the next day, the upstairs guests and their servants will be allowed to walk through the famous tulip garden, with Linda excited as she is Nancy’s “servant”, and explains to Bob that eh tulip garden is where on the show that most major plot twists happen. Perkins finally says that the LARP will be concluded with a seven-course meal, topped with Mrs. Winthorpe’s favorite dessert, the seven-layer parfait flambé, a two-foot-high parfait served in the season finale. Perkins says it is now cocktail hour in the drawing room, but tells Linda that it is for upstairs guests only.
At the apartment, Teddy is still on the floor of the living room, and is reassured by Louise that the kids are cooking steamed broccoli as he promised their parents, he would serve them healthy stuff. The kids, however, are eating ice cream for dinner, with tina nervous while Louise is happy at not only having a push-over but a “fall-over”. Louise does acquiesce to Tina asking if they should bring Teddy dinner; Teddy yells that he just wants ice cream, as Gene discovers the tub is empty.
In the manor servant’s dining rom, the “servants” are eating a stew, which Charlene heard is the only one they will get all weekend. Perkins tells them it is time to serve dinner upstairs, despite Linda’s protests that they just started eating. In the luxurious main ding room, Bob and Linda serve the entrée from a cart. Later, Linda keeps mixing up the wine glasses, earning mockery from Nancy and Ernie (the latter playing Mr. Winthorpe).
Much later, Ernie and another LARper are engaged in a debate on lint-pickers earning five cents a day, when Bob, standing to the side with the rest of the servants, and that his footman character has an opinion garners attention. Bob states that with a house that grand, they can afford to pay their workers more. “Mr. Winthorpe” is impressed and invites “Oliver” to the drawing room for cigars and brandy, to which. Bob is reluctant but agrees. Linda and the others have to clean up the table, while Bob reassures her that he doesn’t like brandy or cigars and with one sip and one puff, he will leave and meet back with her. Later, in the drawing room, bob is sitting in a plush chair with the other wealthy men, stating how much he loves brandy and cigars, and how he finally gets why people want to be rich.
At the apartment, the kids are watching TV with Teddy still on the floor, who cannot keep his eyes open but is reassured that it is not 1 in the morning. Teddy decides to get some sleep, and asks for a blanket, their least favorite plastic receptacle, and some privacy. Gene figures out the purpose, and offers their salad spinner, which Teddy accepts.
That night at the manor, Linda is already asleep in the servant’s quarters, when Bob sneaks in. Bob is happy from earlier, and brushes his jacket with a borrowed livery brush, telling Linda he’s been invited on the tulip garden walk the next day. Linda is glad he’s having a good time, as she’s basically doing her job for free and thought she got a chance to feel like a “wealthy upstairs lady”, but is glad for the tulip garden stroll. Marshall suddenly enters and tells her that ‘Mrs. Winthorpe” is ringing her bell for Linda. In the big bedroom for Mrs. Winthorpe, Nancy asks Linda for another pillow, which she fetches. As Linda tries falling back asleep, however, the bell rings again. Nancy asks for a bed wine, which Linda gets. After trying to fall asleep again, Linda is awoken by the bell. This time, Nancy wants one more bed wine, and a bed gin. A frustrated Linda brings a tray with a wine and gin bottle on them, two glasses, and two pillows, telling Nancy there is no need to ring the bell anymore. Nancy, a bit angry, dismisses “Iris” for the night.
The next morning, Teddy is still on the floor, and Louise says maybe they should let someone besides the floor heal him. Teddy reluctantly agrees to go to his chiropractor, Dr. Juarez, whose office is a few blocks away. However, the kids do not have a gurney to carry him, and they have to think of something.
At the manor, Bob and Linda go to meet the others for the tulip stroll, but Nancy, after Linda’s attitude the previous night, has replaced her with Charlene as her chambermaid. Bob asks Linda if she wants him to stay, and she lets him go, after which he feigns regret before running to catch the rest of the group.
In the manor servant’s dining room, Linda complains about Nancy and other upstairs players walking over them with Marshall and the others who could not go, who stayed and are trimming candle wicks. Marshall is also angry, having paid good money to put socks on someone who cannot put their own socks on because they’re LARPing rich. Linda tells the others it is time for a worker uprising (after they finish snipping the wicks, at Marshall’s suggestion).
As they discuss the revolt, Bob comes in, feeling happy from the tulip stroll before noticing the servants all talking together. Linda decides to trust bob and tells him the servants will revolt. Bob begins putting on a rich act, holding a cigar to point for emphasis and talking about how while the servants have been mistreated, they serve in one the great American houses. Needing a plan for the uprising, Linda comes up with the plan of eating their dinner; the seven-course meal is that night. Bob is unsure, Marshall notes the upstairs guests will be mad, and Linda figures they need a way to get them out of the house. Bob mentions the upstairs LARPers will be far from the house shooting clay pigeons later, which Bob wants to do with the revolt. Linda says they still need a plan, which Bob says he has; asked by Linda if it involves shooting clay pigeons, he says it does, because he’s always wanted to do that, but it also involves helping the revolt.
At the apartment, teddy is still on the living room floor, yelling the kids instructions to remove the bathroom door while trying to make sure it’s okay to remove it. Gene is okay with it, as he feels it slows him down. Louise sues a hammer and screwdriver to tap the door out of its hinges, causing it to fall on Tina, who says she is okay. The kids manage to get the door on the living room floor, with the plan being to flop Teddy on his stomach, then roll him again onto the door. Although it hurts, he insists, and they flop him over. Unfortunately, the door isn’t lined up and he wins up on half of it before they flop him again. Another time later, Teddy is tied to the door, which is held up on the stairs by a series of ropes tied to the bannisters and handrails as a rope and pulley machine to slide him down the stairs. However, Gene lets go of his rope for a high-five, causing Teddy and the door to hit the sides before speeding out of the apartment front door. Just then, Teddy realizes they forgot to put wheels on the door to push it.
Near the seaside, as clouds gather, Bob and the upstairs people are shooting clay pigeons with shotguns, while Linda and Marshall hide and observe in the bushes. Once Bob is done shooting, he manages to steal the old-time car’s engine crank, and throw sit in the bushes to Linda. Linda and Marshall use the crank to start up the engine with Linda driving. The noise gets the attention of the shooting party, and Bob runs to the car while Linda shouts that the servant uprising means they will eat the upstairs dinner. The servants manage to get away in the car.
On the street, the kids push Teddy, who is tied down with rope still and watching the beauty of the sky as the uneven sidewalk causes him more back pain. They finally arrive at the chiropractor office, but find it closed, and a note saying he’s is at his niece Teresa’s quinceanera. Teddy notes that Juarez had talked about it for months and that it is at the rec hall, with Louise saying they will go there.
At the manor, the servants meet up in the main dining room, with Charlene noting how many doors there are but they’re all locked, while it starts raining outside (leaving Bob to hope that the clay pigeon guns are okay). The servants go through the courses, until finally it is tie for the seven-layer parfait flambé. Just as it is wheeled in, whoever, Nancy and the other upstairs guests come in, wet from the rain and feet muddy from walking all the way back. They managed to get in through the aviary, which Charlene forgot to lock. As a standoff ensues, Nancy says the parfait is theirs, while Linda says it is the servants for putting up with their crap all weekend.
A wet Mr. Perkins enters, drenched and mad that with all the mud dragged in, his cleaning deposit is no more, and tells them LARPs aren’t supposed to have uprisings. Linda tries to reason with everyone, saying while the seven-course dinner is eaten, they can all share the parfait, as equals. Nancy, however, apparently gone mad with the Mrs. Winthorpe role play and power fantasy, derides her, and when Linda talks about how it was before they got there, says they’ve always been there. Linda mutters “oh boy” before Nancy tells the other upstairs guests to get the parfait. Linda and the servants push the parfait cart out, with the rich-role LARPers following, resulting in a chase as Perkins tries calling a LARP timeout.
At the rec hall, the quinceanera is going on, while Dr. Juarez notes to Teddy (who is still on the door) that he is not sleeping with a pillow between his knees, but Teddy just needs him to crack his back. After a few tries, he succeeds, and Teddy is able to stand again without being in pain. However, Dr. Juarez does not allow him to kiss him in gratitude, not having changed that policy yet.
At the manor, Bob, Linda and the others race around with the parfait cart, and end up in the library, locking the glass-paneled doors. They light it on fire, but Nancy and the others arrive, unable to open the locked doors. Seeing Linda take a spiteful bite, Nancy walks to grab a small statue, and throws it into the library door’s windows, allowing them to reach the lock and rush in. As everyone starts grabbing and rushing the parfait, eating like ravenous animals, Perkins tells them they are all kicked out. Later, back in their normal wear, Bob, Linda, Nancy, Ernie, Charlene and several others ride in the car back to the gate, angry except for Linda and Bob, with the former asking everyone if it was a good LARP, and the latter saying he loved it.
That night at their apartment, the Belchers are watching TV as Linda says they put the era on a pedestal, and life was horrible if you were not rich back then. As she says they live in a time with no classes while Bob is unable to correct her, Gene brings up that they left the bathroom door at the rec hall, while Tina and Louise say it may be happier there. Linda suggests watching Winthorpe Manor, with an excited Bob wanting to get brandy.
Video[]
External links[]
- "Zero Larp Thirty" on IMDb
- "Zero Larp Thirty" press release via The Futon Critic
- "Zero Larp Thirty" script via Springfield! Springfield!
- "Zero Larp Thirty" review at The A.V. Club